Ways to Be More Self-Compassionate

Being kinder to ourselves can seem difficult, even unnatural. Maybe you’re more accustomed to bashing and berating yourself. Maybe you think being understanding and gentle with yourself will lead to failure. What many people don’t realize is that self-criticism sabotages well-being. Research has found that self-criticism leads to anxiety and depression. Self-compassion, on the other hand, has been linked to less anxiety and depression; greater well-being; better coping skills; and even more compassion for others. If self-compassion feels foreign to you, thankfully, you can learn to be more supportive, encouraging and empathetic toward yourself. Self-compassion is a skill. It’s a practice you learn, which leads to greater satisfaction and a closer connection to others. Here are five ways to be more self-compassionate.

Follow Through

It’s common to start out being self-compassionate, but end up doubting yourself or feeling guilty. Rather than following through, you take self-compassion halfway, Eder said. For instance, let’s say you’re exhausted after a long week at work. Instead of going to the gym, you decide to go home. But when you get home, instead of resting and relaxing, you berate yourself or second-guess your decision to skip your workout, Eder said. When guilty thoughts and feelings arise, practice your empathetic self-talk. Also, consider what you’d say if your loved one was in the same situation: What if your partner or best friend was worn out after a stressful week at work? You might feel uncomfortable about being kinder to yourself. You might even think you’re being selfish. You’re not. In fact, caring for yourself gives you more energy to care for others. As clinical psychologist Mary Welford, DClinPsy, writes in her book The Power of Self-Compassion, “Having become more self-compassionate, people often report having greater strength to deal with conflicts and to become better friends, parents, and colleagues. Lack of self-compassion, by contrast, means that we are more likely to become immobilized or consumed by our own difficulties and therefore less able to help others.”