How Caring Changed My Life Forever

The more the merrier!

Bill’s version more or less parallels that of his wife: Our fourth child had just been born when Jamie said to me, “I really like kids!” I said, “I like kids too, so let’s have a lot more!” But she said, “No, no, I think I would like to have a child from Cambodia.” I thought for a while, then asked if she was serious. “Yes,” she was serious. Bill continues, recalling how Jamie told him: “I can’t make up my mind. There are these two girls I have really fallen in love with. They’re great girls and they have great families over there and we could have them both come live with us.” “Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,” I said. “Stop for a minute. We went from zero to now two. This is not like a buddy system. Why two?” But just like Jamie, she told me it was all going to work out and she was right. We ended up with two blessings in our life.

The more the merrier!

The Amelio family already had four children, infant girl Avery, and three boys, kindergartner Bronson, fourth grader Riley and college student Austin. And there was the complication that the Amelios would not be adopting the newcomers. Sixth graders Cherry and Rathana had families. What the Amelios offered them was a chance to come join their household and get a good education. Rathana has a vivid memory of being invited when Jamie returned to her village in Cambodia: That day when she first asked me, we were reading “The Giving Tree.” We read it over and over and over until I actually understood what the story was about. I just liked being with her even when I didn’t understand a word she said! I tried to copy her and say the words as she did. And then she asked me, “Do you want to study, to have a better education?” And I said, “YES! Yes, that’s what I want to do.” And Jamie asked if she would like to come live with the Amelios and be a part of their family. Rathana remembers: I thought she was joking.

The more the merrier!

"Later that same day I asked Cherry if she would be interested,” recalls Jamie. “She remembers being shocked: I didn’t really know what to do. I ran home and asked my parents, ‘Ma, what should I do? Dad, what should I do?’ And they said, ‘You should do whatever you want. You decide.’ And I was like, ‘Okay, this is a really good opportunity to see a different world, a different culture, and learn new things, new experiences, so yeah, okay.’ But I knew it was BIG. “ The plan was to have the girls live with us for a year and see how it went,” remembers Jamie. “The girls would stay in regular contact with their families with frequent phone calls and visits during every school break.” The Amelio household spent the first few months trying to figure out how all this was going to work. “Everything was a learning experience for all of us – family outings like going to a restaurant, the beach, shopping, or out for ice cream became a chance to help Rathana and Cherry learn new things. Riley, Bronson, Rathana, Cherry, and I loved watching silly cartoons together. The girls especially loved Bugs Bunny. At first they couldn’t understand a word the characters were saying, but the physical humor said it all. They laughed and laughed, really deep belly laughs, something you seldom see Cambodian children do.”

The more the merrier!

There were also some tough times early on. Cherry in particular was homesick. Bedtime was difficult. “I went into their room to check on them and they were both lying on the floor,” recalls Jamie. “‘Girls, come up to the bed,’ I told them. They refused; they did not want to sleep in a bed. They said they had never slept in a bed and they wanted to sleep on the floor like they did in Cambodia. They also did not want to be covered by blankets because they had never slept with anything on top of them. They were not even accustomed to sheets. I lay down on the floor with them and we read a book together until they fell asleep. All the while, I was thinking, What have I gotten myself into?”

The more the merrier!

“There were so many gut-wrenching moments, like when I’d see them walk to the bus stop and board the bus, or when I observed how inseparable they were. I would cry as I asked myself, ‘Is this the right thing to have done? Who am I to say that my life is better and that this is better for them? Should I have taken them from their families?’ It helped that both girls knew that plenty of people were rooting for them – not only their new family and community, but also their family and friends in Cambodia. Cherry explains: My mom in Cambodia didn’t have much of an education because of the Khmer Rouge [a terrorist group that seized control of the country at the end of the Vietnam War and massacred hundreds of thousands of citizens, forced everyone to leave the cities and killed anyone with an education or leadership ability].

The more the merrier!

“A turning point for me occurred in January of 2006 when Rathana and Cherry returned after visiting their families over the Christmas holiday,” recalls Jamie. “When I went to pick them up at the airport all I could think was, “Here are my girls! They’re coming home!” It felt so natural, like my own kids returning from summer camp. I just wanted Rathana and Cherry back and to return to the swing of things. Best of all, when they walked off the plane, I could see in their faces that they felt the same way. Watching the girls grow and adapt to their new environment has been one of the most remarkable experiences of my life. Not all the changes have been completely positive, of course. What parent hasn’t been exasperated with her teenager? And what teenager hasn’t decided at some point that her parents are dolts?”

The more the merrier!

“Having Rathana and Cherry become part of our family changed us. We’ve had our share of struggles,” says Bill. “We’ve had sibling rivalry that was difficult and we had to help the kids manage that, but I think that having them in our family has helped ground all our kids by learning the importance of sharing what you have.” “Bill and I have also had a ringside seat watching them grow into young ladies,” notes Jamie. Bill says: It’s been wonderful to see the successes and accomplishments they’ve had, but also the struggles and the way they’ve been able to rise above all the obstacles they faced and still have a solid connection with their families in Cambodia.

The more the merrier!

Today the girls are well into their teens. However, their connection with their families in Cambodia is still there with regular Skype calls, says Bill. “Yet here in America, they’re part of our family. They call Jamie and me ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad.’” Notes Jamie: “Predicting your children’s future is a fool’s errand, but if I were to guess, I would say that Cherry will probably be the one to return to Cambodia. She’s always saying that whatever she does, she wants to give back to her country. Rathana is more the artistic type.” Rathana reflects: After living with the Amelio family, I questioned the world. I questioned a lot: “What’s my purpose here? What am I doing here? What am I going to do with my education? What am I going to do in Cambodia?” I do believe that everybody is here for a purpose. One is to help others, and the other is to help yourself.

The more the merrier!

“By helping others, without realizing it, you are helping yourself, too,” says Rathana. “And with this education I am having, I definitely want to go back and share my story with the children of Cambodia. I will tell them that everybody has a purpose and that my purpose is to come back and share my words with my people, telling them not to be afraid, not to be afraid of change. My mom in Cambodia would always tell me that wherever you are in life, you have to go as the river flows. You have to turn, you have to twist, you have to go backwards if that’s where it’s taking you. Like a river, life is always up and bouncing, bumpy, smooth, turning left or right. But if you want to go toward your destiny, toward your dreams and hopes, you have to turn the way it takes you. If it tells you to go right, you have go to the right. If it’s bumpy, you have go with the bumps, and if it’s smooth, sometimes it’s just like that. Life is smooth and bumpy and you have to go with it.”