Turn Adversity Into Opportunity!

Living Into The Blessing

“It’s nothing less than a miracle that we get to live, breathe, love, learn, grow, heal and prosper,” writes Druck. “And yet, we’re barely awake to it. Life’s greatest gifts, joys and blessings may be right there under our noses, but they go unnoticed. We get so caught up in the desire for more, we become oblivious. The fish is the last to discover the ocean. Awakening to what we’ve got, our families, health, friends, home, clean air/water and our very lives is a simple choice -- to feed and fortify our sense of humility and appreciation. This takes great discipline and diligence. Which is why cultivating an attitude of gratitude, savoring the good times and never taking anything for granted is a daily spiritual practice.”

Choosing the Honorable Path

Since losing my daughter, Jenna, 16 years ago, I’ve fought my way back into life from the bottom of pain. Tragedy showed me two paths, one of utter despair and one of compassion. Every day was like the movie, Groundhog Day. I’d wake up at the crossroads of suffering and hope. And some days I’d do better than others. Creating The Jenna Druck Center was an act of hope (honoring Jenna’s life and spirit also made the Center a beacon of hope for countless thousands of young women and bereaved families). Harnessing the power of raw (rather than refined) hope, compassion, courage and faith, I rose brokenhearted from the ashes of despair and walked a path of honoring.

Getting Your Emotional System in Top Shape

One of the miracles of being human is that we come with brilliantly engineered digestive, respiratory, skeletal and muscular systems that enable us to live. We also have an emotional system, which, like all the others, is tied to our wellbeing. Miraculously, the emotional system reads and reacts to signals coming from within us and those occurring between us and another person. Processing feelings allows us to analyze, judge, weigh, assess, calibrate, implement and express what we want. Enables us to feel love and to experience blissful joy. But some of these feelings are yucky. We name them “bad” or “negative” although, in reality, they are neither. Attempts to hide, deny, repress, numb, dilute, dismiss or out-right avoid them is like shooting the messenger and a formula for disaster. Bottling up emotions, or masking the pain, we miss out on information that is vital to our wellbeing. Living with a disembodied emotional system makes everything harder.

Validating What You Feel

What if, instead of shooting the messenger, we invited him in to find out what he or she had to say? What if we didn’t judge his words as “negative” or “positive” and really listened? What could we learn? We might learn a lot. In fact, we might really get to know what’s going on. So much so that we are in the best of all possible positions to make a life-altering decision, see the light, solve a daunting problem, take a really smart risk that pays off, open our hearts to a friend, forgive someone we love, make peace with an enemy or express the full measure of our love to a child. The power of tuning in, listening to and respecting ourselves – and then using what we learn to make every aspect of our lives better – cannot be underestimated.

Solidifying Your Sacred Relationship with Self

How we treat ourselves is also a spiritual path. Some of us have become egotistical, arrogant and entitled as a means of compensating for our insecurities, inadequacies and failures. At the other end of the continuum are those of us who treat ourselves with utter distain, disrespect, harsh criticism and punishing judgment. Armed and dangerous, we beat ourselves up mercilessly for past failures, mistakes and transgressions. No forgiveness. No retribution. Just unrelenting guilt, shame and humiliation, day after day. Both of these are sacrilege! Sealing off the ivory tower or torture chamber is holy work. Honoring the sacred relationship we’re given with ourselves means beginning to compassionately understand the young and desperate part of ourselves. This is the first step to saving ourselves and growing our souls. Discovering the seeds of forgiveness by naming “What would have to happen for me to begin to forgive, no less love, myself (which may take a lifetime or two) is ___.” If the answer is tied to cruelty, punishment, arrogance, entitlement and/or kicking yourself, flip it. Using words of compassion and retribution, answer that question. There you go! Now you’ve got it! That’s your new mantra!

Seeking Forgiveness and Retribution

As we have seen, it’s easy to tear ourselves down. Or build ourselves up with egotistical, status-seeking hype. Some of us waste a lifetime hiding out in the torture chamber of guilt, shame and self-loathing. Or behind arrogance. But this is pure self-indulgence. A one way ticket to nowhere. Like sitting in jail doing nothing but time, it does nothing for you, or for the world. If you’re sincere about restoring or bolstering your integrity, self-respect and good standing – or repaying a debt you owe to society – start thinking about how you could serve others. This involves a sacrifice of your time, energy and resources to do something good for someone else. There are endless possibilities. Selflessly volunteering to help someone in need and making the world a better place will allow you to feel good in your own skin. Now that’s you!

Building Reserves of Pride & Self-Esteem

We think little or nothing of going for a run, taking a yoga class, eating the right foods or taking vitamins to keep our bodies healthy and vital and stand tall. It’s all part of staying fit. And yet, building our reserves of pride and self-esteem remain a mystery. We’re not even sure what exercises there are for building one’s pride. Tuning into the pride source in you means naming things in your past that made you feel genuinely proud. Including little things. The time you stood tall in the face of a bully. A great accomplishment you had in sports or school. An obstacle you overcame to reach success. A selfless act of charity. Now list all the things you could do in the time you have remaining that would make you very proud.

Bolstering Somebody Else’s Pride

Now that you have experienced a renewed sense of pride in yourself, it’s time to pay it forward. Giving gratitude and appreciation is an act of honor. It exercises and expands the generous part of your heart. Do you know anybody whose life you could make better with a hug, compliment, acknowledgement, kind gesture or thoughtful gift? Perhaps it’s somebody in your own family. Someone you work with. A teacher, mentor or friend to whom you have never fully expressed your love and appreciation. It’s time to empty your pockets and give all your love away. This is the best overall strategy for real wealth creation.