6 Ways to Feel Great about Yourself

Be Kind to Yourself

“Train your brain to be your greatest cheerleader, most compassionate friend and most loving parent rather than your worst critic,” said Joyce Marter, LCPC, a therapist and owner of the counseling practice Urban Balance in the Chicago area. In fact, any time your inner critic starts snarling, ask yourself: “What would I say to my best friend if they were struggling with the same thing?” “What would I suggest they do?” “Would I judge them this harshly?” Often, we’re much more patient, understanding and flexible with others than we ever are with ourselves. But “Remember that we are all human and nobody is perfect.” Marter suggested “keeping a running gratitude list thanking yourself for all you do that promotes wellness in your life and the lives of others.”

Practice Integrity

Integrity means having “an alignment between what you feel inside and how you represent yourself to others,” according to Ashley Eder, LPC, a psychotherapist in Boulder, Colo. It means that your beliefs, intentions and actions are in harmony. “Integrity is an antidote to shame, the driving force behind self-hatred.” The key, said Eder, is to get clear on how you feel and then act in a direct and non-aggressive way to convey those feelings. For instance, an acquaintance asks you to take care of their dog while they’re away. But you don’t have the time or energy, or you just don’t want to. “Getting clear means taking the time to let your ‘no, not this time’ come up to the surface so that you know what you want,” Eder said. Instead of ignoring the request or telling the person how you much you don’t like dogs, “acting directly and non-aggressively means saying to your friend, ‘I'm sorry, but I'm not able to watch your dog for you’ even though you know your friend may be disappointed.”

Focus on Your Soul, Not Your Shape or Status

When your self-worth is tied to external markers like your looks, the car you drive and how much money you have in the bank, feeling great about yourself is temporary. It’s as fleeting as a feeling, a whim. It’s like a butterfly. You’re forever trying to catch it. And if you do, it only slips through your fingers. That’s why Marter stressed the importance of “connecting with your essence and higher power on a daily basis.” As Geneen Roth writes in her book Women, Food and God, “It’s never been true, not anywhere at any time, that the value of a soul, of a human spirit, is dependent on a number on the scale.” The same can easily be said about money and material things. Marter suggested these activities for connecting to your higher power: prayer, meditation, mindfulness techniques “or whatever works for you.” These tips help you feel great about yourself in the moment and over time. And when you’re not sure what to do or what will help, start with kindness. Ask yourself, “What’s the kindest thing I can do for myself or say to myself right now?” You’ll rarely go wrong.