6 Lessons in Forgiveness from Angels

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Are you having trouble forgiving a loved one, a colleague, or someone from your past? Forgiveness can be very healing, but it can also be challenging and scary. Whenever something feels challenging or scary it's a good cue to seek out support: from loved ones, health-care professionals—and angels! Angels assist you on a forgiveness journey by surrounding you with their protective energy, softening your heart, helping you see a person or situation from Spirit's perspective and giving you the courage to open up old wounds.

Be extremely gentle with yourself when working on forgiving someone, as many challenging emotions like anger, sorrow and regret can come to the surface. Remember that forgiveness should never be forced, always authentic. If you're having trouble forgiving someone, it doesn't make you wrong, cold or less enlightened. It just means you’re hurt, and you’re human. You may never genuinely forgive this person, and that’s absolutely okay. You will still get a lot out of the following exercises on forgiveness.

Ask an angel to sit with you while you read through these forgiveness tips. It can be one of your guardian angels, your favorite archangel or a helper angel who specializes in forgiveness. All you have to do is think, pray or write in your journal, "Angels, I really want to work on forgiving someone, and I'm going to need your help."

Ask Angels for a Deeper Understanding of the Person Who Hurt You

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There’s always plenty going on beneath the surface in someone’s life, and that includes the person who hurt you. They might have had a difficult childhood where they never received a model for functional parenting; they might have been verbally, emotionally, physically or sexually abused and then continued that cycle of abuse with you; they might have experienced an event in their past that was so traumatizing that they have shut down and are unable to connect with others emotionally; they might have an undiagnosed or untreated mental illness that influenced their behavior and actions toward you; they might have placed themselves in a relationship with you—like spouse, business partner, boss, mentor, parent, friend—that they were, despite their best intentions, largely unable to fulfill on a practical level. Forgiveness can begin by asking the angels for a deeper understanding of the person you're trying to forgive. This means seeing the whole picture of who this person is, which includes their intentions toward you, their history, their past wounds, their physical and mental health and any addictions they struggle with.

Get quiet, grab a journal and ask the angels for a deeper understanding of the person you’re having trouble forgiving. Make a list in your journal of aspects of this person like their history, intentions, health and wounds. Fill each of these sections in with any relevant information you are aware of about this person that might shed light on why they hurt you, abused you or let you down. Angels will be with you during this exercise, bringing important details about this person to your attention.

Picture the Person Who Hurt You as a Child

Remembering that everyone was once an innocent young child—before the world knocked them around—can soften your heart toward the person who hurt you. Adults often remark on how trusting and loving children are when they’re very young, and that was likely true of the person you’re having trouble forgiving. That inner child is still somewhere inside each of us, even if it's buried deep. When a tiny baby or toddler looks up at a stranger and smiles in delight, you are getting a direct look at the child's soul, and the person who hurt you also has a soul.

Go to a room where you can shut the door and be alone. Then whisper or ask silently: "Angels, show me an image of the person who hurt me as a child." If you knew this person when they were young, or have seen pictures of them as a baby, this exercise will be easy. If not, let the angels send you an image of a child that represents the person who hurt you. The angels might also send other images into your mind's eye, images that describe what this person's life was like as a young child. Sit and let the images come, and pay attention to any thoughts or emotions you experience during this meditation.

Recall a Time When You Were Forgiven

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Ever done something you regret? Hurt someone you loved? Lied when you should have come clean? Betrayed a friend's trust? Made a poor choice? Let someone down? Maybe there was a time when you did not expect to be absolved, but someone forgave you anyway. Or perhaps a loved one forgave you instantly, without waiting for your apology or explanation, because their love for you was unconditional. You might have felt at the time like the person who forgave you was an angel, or that an angel may have softened this person's heart toward you.

Sit down with a journal and write for 15 minutes or more about a time when you were forgiven, and it meant the world to you. Remember the relief and gratitude you felt. Think about how much you regretted hurting that person, or regretted your actions. At the end of this writing exercise, take a few moments to think about the person who hurt you, and what it might mean to them if you were able to forgive them at some point in the future.

Invite Angels to Help You Examine Your Emotions

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People may use forgiveness as a way to bypass feeling and processing all the challenging emotions that come with being hurt: anger, frustration, grief, sorrow, regret, humiliation, fear. These emotions could seem scary or overwhelming, so it feels safer to simply move away from the event by forgiving the person automatically and denying how badly we were affected by their actions. Yet you can't honestly forgive someone until you understand exactly what they did, exactly how they hurt you. If you have not examined your emotions around a major wound, or tend to intellectualize or downplay your emotions, seeing a counselor or therapist, or talking about your emotions with a loved one, will help. You can also try the following exercise.

Get a piece of paper and write the angels a letter. Whenever you address the angels, whether it's in your thoughts, prayers or journal, you can be sure you are in safe hands. You can share anything and everything with the angels, because angels do not judge us and their love is unconditional. Start the letter "Dear Angels," and then tell the angels how you feel about the person who hurt you, and how you feel about what they did. You can start with how you felt right after they hurt you, then write about how those feelings have changed over time, and finally tell the angels how you feel about this person right now. If you are having trouble getting in touch with your feelings, put your pen down and lay your hand over your heart. This will help you get out of your head and into your heart energy, where it should be easier for you to access and express your emotions. Ask yourself, "What does my heart want to say?" or "What has my heart been holding back?" Allow yourself to have a cry, or feel angry.

Find the Silver Lining

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Even if someone hurt you in a way that was incredibly traumatic, and you feel strongly that their actions are unforgivable, odds are there was a silver lining to this experience. Maybe you were abused, and that experience inspired you to help other abused people. Perhaps you were neglected as a child, and that upbringing forced you to become amazingly independent, capable and responsible. Possibly a family member, friend or coworker hurt you deeply, abandoned you, lied to you or stole from you—yet they also had a phenomenal sense of humor, or a deep appreciation for music. You might get your sense of humor, or your appreciation for music, from this person. Or they may have taught you some valuable life lessons along the way. This silver lining does not take away all the pain you suffered. Yet it is also part of your experience, if we look at life holistically.

Take out your journal and ask your guardian angels to sit with you (we each have more than one guardian angel). Your guardian angels have been with you since before you were born, so they know all the details of your life, including how this person hurt you. Ask silently or aloud, "Guardian angels, tell me what the silver linings were regarding this person who hurt me." Then write down any answers that the angels place in your mind. The angels might be able to give you some new and surprising insights.

Work on Acceptance If Forgiveness Does Not Feel Authentic

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If you’ve been trying to forgive someone but can't seem to do it, don't feel bad. Forgiveness can come on the other side, when we reach heaven. Some actions and events are incredibly hard to forgive. Instead work on acceptance. Try to accept that this person hurt you. You might wish with all your heart you could change these circumstances, and the person who hurt you might wish with all their heart that they could take everything back. But things happen, we can't go back in time and on some level events are what they are. Part of acceptance is accepting the hurt and anger you feel, and beginning to move forward—whatever that looks like for you.

Go outside, take a walk in nature and ask the angels to accompany you. As you walk let your mind relax as you look at the trees, water, sky or rocks on your journey. Let these details of nature connect you to Spirit, calm you and ground you. Then ask your angels silently, "What am I still having trouble accepting about this person or situation?" Answers from the angels will probably come as insightful thoughts or feelings. Then ask, “What does moving on look like for me?”