I decided to go to the only source of strength and answers that I knew at the time—God—and I landed on my knees to pray. During my prayer, I was instructed to look up. But, I questioned myself and was reluctant to look up because I was praying. Instructions came a second time, much stronger and more urgent: Look up.
Looking up, I saw that the morning sun was shining through the apartment window, even though it was covered with white vinyl blinds. Within the seven-foot window frame, there stood a man—a vision; a picture captured from a memory of mine that I recognized as part of my past. At once, I knew that I had known this man. He was someone from my pre-mortal life, a time before but just as real as this present life.
Then, the feelings came—overwhelming and shocking in their strength and power. Arms outstretched in a welcome embrace, the man was smiling and walking towards me.
I felt laughter and my own loving feelings of response to him. The feelings were as big and as wonderful as any feelings that could fill my soul. I felt that this man knew me, loved me, and cared for me in a way that I had never felt in my life. The feeling of love was strong, god-like, and it tingled in every cell of my body. I strained to keep my body upright and fixed on the image. The vision continued as long as I could keep my eyes and body centered on the man at my window. I don't know how long the image lasted; it felt like weeks, but it also dissolved in the blink of an eye. I became weak and I collapsed, my body falling to the bed. I lay down until my children woke from their naps hours later.
Unfortunately, at present, I cannot recall the exact feeling of that moment even though I know the man was as real as life itself. The feeling of love that sustained me during heartaches and struggles for the nine years afterwards has waned. Still, the vision and its revelation changed my life: Love was the message and the power and the outcome.
At the age of 29, I was abandoned by my husband, who had taken another girlfriend and moved with her into his mother's house. My baby was almost a year old, and I had three other small children. My eldest had already started kindergarten. I had a broken-down and wrecked car, I was a full-time mom, and I had no income of my own. I was being evicted, but I had no cash. My husband had set tile and worked for cash under the table to avoid paying taxes. He had $5,000 around the time he left, but he had not given me any money. My father-in-law and my brother bought diapers and food for me.