4 Ways to Face Everyday Fears

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Everyone has things that frighten them, and almost everyone is scared stiff of something they encounter in everyday life. For some people it is thunderstorms. Other people are terrified of spiders well into their adult years. Still others never quite conquer that childhood fear of the dark. Millions of people are terrified of snakes and still more are petrified by the mere thought of public speaking. These fears of everyday situations, objects or animals often seem silly to others and can be surprisingly difficult to conquer. Even those facing large fears, such as the loss of a job, may find that while that very legitimate fear haunts them for a longer period of time, it does not create the same heart-pounding terror as stumbling across a scorpion in the garden.

Many “small” fears are believed to be evolutionary survival mechanisms. This is why fears of snakes, spiders and scorpions are so common. Certain species of these animals really could kill a person. In areas where species like Arizona bark scorpions, eastern diamond back rattlesnakes, invasive Burmese pythons or accidentally imported Brazilian wandering spiders are common, fears of various creepy crawly creatures could save a person’s life. Most people, however, did not manage to survive a dangerous encounter by being afraid of spiders. Instead, they wrecked Aunt May and Uncle John’s dinner party because they screamed like a banshee when they found a wolf spider in the bathroom. As such, most people would prefer to either conquer their fears or at least learn how to manage them. To conquer a fear, however, you have to face it. Here are four ways to face everyday fears.

Identify Why You Are Afraid

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“Why” is one of the single most powerful words on the planet. It asks a valuable question, a powerful question, and answers to that question are often important and insightful. When it comes to dealing with fears, “why” is as important as ever. When attempting to face or overcome fears, one of the most important and useful questions to ask is “why.” Why are you afraid of this thing? If your fear is an object or animal such as snakes, ask yourself why you are afraid of it. Are you afraid it will bite you? Why? Few snakes are aggressive, so you are more likely to be bitten by the neighbor’s dog than a snake. If you are afraid of venomous snakes, do some research on what animals live nearby. You might not have any venomous snakes in your state.

“So what” can go hand in hand with “why” especially when fears center on social interaction or abstract concepts. You are afraid your new coworker will not like you. Why? Because you think they are attractive. So they will not like you, so what? Do you really want to date someone you have to wear a mask around?

Work Up to Exposure

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Despite the growing push to include trigger warnings for material in college classes, the only way past fear is to go through it. Avoiding anything that causes fear only prolongs anxiety, and such avoidance can add feelings of worthlessness and weakness to already existing anxiety. Rather than avoiding fears, people need to conquer them. To do this, you must face your fears. You do not have to do this all at once, but work up to exposing yourself to your fears. If you are terrified of snakes, start by looking at pictures of snakes online. Remind yourself that it is a photo. It cannot hurt you. If you are terrified of heights, get comfortable standing on top of a step ladder. Work on remaining calm and relaxed when you are beginning to face your fears. If you cannot stay calm, count your blessings. You cannot be grateful and frightened or stressed at the same time.

Controlled Encounters

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When possible, start facing your fear under controlled circumstances. Facing the object of your fear and not having the fear reinforced by something terrible happening helps a person overcome their fear. What was once a terrifying thought, circumstance, object or creature slowly loses its ability to inspire fright. This is called habituation. The best way to make sure nothing terrible happens when facing a fear is to face it under controlled circumstances. If you are terrified of snakes but feel ready to face a real snake instead of a photograph, go to the reptile house at the zoo. The snakes are behind glass, so they cannot hurt you. If you are scared of public speaking, give a toast at dinner with your family or close friends. If you are scared of disagreeing with your boss, start by speaking your mind with a coworker or friend. Face a lesser version of your fear, and work up to where you can stare it in the eye without flinching.

Increasing Exposure

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Habituation requires slowly increasing levels of exposure to what causes fear. It is uncomfortable and can even seem counter-productive in the short term, but it is the only way to conquer fear in the long term. Increasing exposure could be doing more and more of what scares you or getting closer and closer to an object of fear. For someone scared of public speaking, this could mean progressing from giving a toast at dinner to speaking at a friend’s wedding to leading a presentation at a work conference. For someone who is scared of spiders, increasing exposure could be a journey from viewing spiders at the zoo to observing spiders building webs in the nearby woods to eventually holding a friend’s pet tarantula. Not everyone has to become quite so comfortable with what once scared them, of course. It varies from person to person, but many people would be perfectly happy to simply feel neutral around what once frightened them. They may never like spiders, but no longer fleeing the room when they see a spider would be enough for them.