God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones that I do
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that we are older, here's what we've discovered:
1. We started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. Our wild oats have turned into prunes and bran.
3. We finally got our heads together; now our bodies are falling apart.
4. Funny, we don't remember being absent-minded...
5. All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
14. If God wanted us to touch our toes, he would have put them on our knees.
15. When we are finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?
16. It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere.
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
18. These days, we spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...we go somewhere to get something and then wonder what we are here after.