Unusual Religious Products

Unusual Religious Products

one man's kitsch is another man's useful item.


Crucifixion Tie
Gethsemane, Golgotha... Gucci? [What was that Jesus said about having a millstone tied around your neck? A more comfortable alternative is this 100% silk jobby, attractively displaying scenes from the Lord's Passion. Who'd have thought Gethsemane and Golgotha could be so stylish? Christian kids, you'll never be at a loss for a Father's Day gift again.] Have a hot date tonight, men? What better way to set the mood than to don this nifty item showing the Lord praying in Gethsemane, carrying the cross, and dying for our sins. We're with Jesus: Better to have a millstone tied around your neck.

Mosque Clock Morning radio is so lame. Who wants to hear another Lite FM DJ rattle through his spiel? How much better to wake up to the Muslim call to prayer (azan). The retailer notes that this striking timepiece comes in "four fabulous colors - Perfect Pink, Brilliant Blue, Gorgeous Green and Incredible Ivory," and its clockface features "glow in the dark technology." Also touted is the clock's "background 'tick-tick' noise." Clearly, it's a must-have item. So what if you don't understand Arabic? It's got to be better than N'Sync.

Listen to the mosque clock (free RealPlayer required)

Bar/Bat Mitzvah Bears America's been in love since teddy bears since the days of Theodore Roosevelt. Problem is, most of these plush pals don't come with a kippah and tallit, essential TK . Thank goodness all that's changed. Why settle for a bar mitzvah when you can have a bear mitzvah?

Shiva Action Figure

Though the Hindu god Shiva is the lord of destruction, his fearsomeness is tempered by his role in cyclically recreating the universe. At least, that's what a Hindu would tell you. But there's no room for nuance with this "four-armed reincarnation" of Shiva toting an "Untouchable-Toucher Uzi automatic." So much for ahimsa, the Hindu principle of nonviolence espoused by such luminaries as Gandhi. Paging the Hindu Anti-Defamation Association...

Dog Buddha

Down through the ages, bodhisattvas (Buddhist saints) have indicated that the serenity achieved in meditation surpasses human understanding. TK TK You can meditate all you want, but you'll probably never achieve the calm bliss your dog does after he's rolled around in dead things. "stone-colored" plastic and accessibly priced at $14.95, the upscale Western Zen Cat lovers, don't despair: a feline Buddha is also available.

Empty Tomb Candy Tin

It's a theological conundrum for Christians: You want this tin to be empty so you can celebrate the Risen Lord. On the other hand, who's happy when the last of the Sugar Free Scripture Mints (4 oz included in every tin) are gone? The implications make the retailer's suggestion to "reuse the tin" all the more troubling. Just what are we hoping for here?

"No Proselytizing" Door Plaque

You try to be open to all people, but the Jehovah's Witnesses have knocked on your door one too many times. We have "No Smoking" signs, "No Menus" signs--why not a "No Preaching" sign? Keep your soul to yourself with this handy plastic number backed with padded adhesive strips. Why, it may even "prevent dogma attacks," chortles the ad copy. Wherever Madeleine Murray O'Hair is, she's smiling.

Graveyard Dirt

Sure, if you're Buffy the Vampire Slayer, you can grab some topsoil from the cemetery any old time. But what about us ordinary folk who don't live near a final resting place? How are we supposed to get the dirt we need for "binding, hexing, fertility, and many more spells"? We have to mail-order our graveyard dirt. And that's OK; it's what the Internet was made for. One question, though--what happens when the sellers eventually run down their supply?

Handcrafted with only the finest ingredients, in sacred space with loving intention by Priestesses. Effectively removes psychic "sludge" which adheres to the etheric body in dealings with negative or stress inducing people & situations. Enough for 2-4 baths, depending on severity of situation. 4 fl. oz. Our Price: $11.95