These jokes, widely circulated on the internet, originally come from Zen Judaism by David Bader.

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single oy.

Be here now. Be someplace else later. Is that so complicated?

If you wish to know the way, don't ask for directions. Argue.

Take only what is given. Own nothing but your robes and an alms bowl. Unless, of course, you have the closet space.

There is no escaping karma. In a previous life, you never called, you never wrote, you never visited. And whose fault was that?

Wherever you go, there you are. Your luggage is another story.

To practice Zen and the art of Jewish motorcycle maintenance, do the following: get rid of the motorcycle. What were you thinking?

Learn of the pine from the pine. Learn of the bamboo from the bamboo. Learn of the kugel from the kugel.

If there is no self, whose arthritis is this?

The Tao has no expectations. The Tao demands nothing of others. The Tao does not speak. The Tao does not blame. The Tao does not take sides. The Tao is not Jewish.

Drink tea and nourish life. With the first sip, joy. With the second, satisfaction. With the third, Danish.

The Buddha taught that one should practice lovingkindness to all sentient beings. Still, would it kill you to find a nice sentient being who happens to be Jewish?

Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkes.
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