We know from the Bible that Jesus:
If you missed this, you’ve been reading too much of The Da Vinci Code.
The biblical prophet Hosea named his three children:
Seriously. Worst names ever, but God told him to (Hosea 1:2-8).
When Moses was down in the dumps about his abilities as a leader, who gave him great advice?
Jethro, also called Reu’el in the Bible, was the one who advised Moses about delegating his responsibilities.
David, one of the great kings of the Bible, is not the best fatherly role model because:
Trick question! Yes, David also danced naked before the ark, but that’s not what made him a lousy father. All dads run around in their skivvies now and then, but they don’t all order hits on their kids. And lots of great dads have big families.
When Joseph found out that Mary, his fiancée, was pregnant and he knew that he was not the father, he decided to:
Joseph was a compassionate man, and he did not want to cause Mary any pain. After he had decided to “put her away quietly,” the Lord came to him in a dream and told him that the baby was actually God’s own son and that he should wed Mary after all.
Who is the oldest guy in the Bible to father a kid?
The Bible says that Methuselah was 187 years old when he sired Lamech, which beats out Abraham’s youthful 100. (You may have guessed that Charlie Chaplin is not actually mentioned in the Bible.)
Which biblical prophet was commanded by God not to have children?
Although forced celibacy sounds harsh, God was actually looking out for Jeremiah’s welfare: in the foretold destruction, children would be killed and “their dead bodies... food for the birds of the air.” God wanted to spare his prophet that pain.
Which famous Old Testament patriarch has a name that actually contains the Hebrew word for “father”?
The word “Av” is Hebrew for father.
In the Old Testament, what was the punishment for punching Dad?
Striking either parent was a capital crime. Don’t go there.
Jacob’s favorite of his 12 sons was:
Joseph was one of Jacob’s kids by his favorite wife, Rachel. Jacob gave Joseph a coat of many colors that was the envy of all his brothers. Jacob also had a soft spot for Benjamin, the baby of the family.
In the Bible, Abba was:
Jesus called God by the familiar Aramaic nickname “Abba,” which is more like “Daddy” than the formal “Father.” The Swedish rock group Abba is almost as old as the Bible, but not quite.
An Old Testament dude who slept with his daughter-in-law was:
Judah had sex with his daughter-in-law Tamar, who got pregnant and married him (her first husband, Judah’s son, had died). Now everyone say, "Eeeeeew."
Of these Bible dads, which one had the most sons?
Moses only had 2 sons and Aaron had 4, but Jacob had 12. This was so that Andrew Lloyd Webber could later write a musical about them that would create parts for lots of guys who do theater. There were also a whole bunch of daughters, but the Bible doesn’t tell us how many.
Which son really tried his dad’s patience by spending his inheritance, only to be welcomed back home with open arms?
Check out Luke 15 for this touching story of a father’s stubborn love.
This dad was told by God that he’d be the father of many nations, but then told to sacrifice his son Isaac. Who was he?
And in case you’re still worried about Isaac, rest assured that God sent a ram to take his place in the sacrifice and also enough shekels to pay for years of therapy.
One New Testament missionary who didn’t seem to have a father but turned out great was:
The Book of Second Timothy suggests that little Timmy was raised by Mom and Grandma. John the Baptist had a dad (Zechariah) and we think maybe John the Revelator was on drugs, given his strange visions in the Book of Revelation. A dad might have helped him Just Say No.
In the Book of Hebrews, what does God do to us as beloved children?
As much as we prefer the brownie scenario, he disciplines and chastises us (Heb. 12:7). The Bible goes on to say that “discipline always seems more painful than pleasant at the time.” You think?
In the Bible’s most famous drunken episode, how does Noah react to his youngest son Ham after Ham tries to help cover his nakedness?
Darned unpredictable winos! The correct answer is B. For all his codependent efforts to help Noah, Ham just got punished. We cry foul.
Jesus’ dad was:
It is a trick question. Joseph was Jesus’ earthly dad and God was his heavenly one. Wasn’t Jesus smart to hedge his bets like that?
Another reason we know that King David’s family had issues is that:
Sadly, David’s daughter Tamar was raped by her brother Amnon. This echoed an earlier rape of a Tamar in Genesis (see question 12). Are we having fun yet?
Whom does the Bible identify as a “son of Nun”?
And no, not that kind of nun.
Which father saw Jesus raise his 12-year-old daughter from the dead?
Jairus was a leader of the synagogue whose daughter had died. He came to Jesus desperate for a miracle, and he got one (Mark 5).