5 Things You Should Never Say to Your Pastor

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We’ve all been there in one way or the other. As church members, we need to tell the pastor something and usually, it’s an issue. Regrettably, conflict is a reality in the church. Often, that conflict is between a congregant and the pastor. After all, he or she is – in many ways – the focal point of the church’s public ministry. How then should you seek to approach your pastor when you have problems with his or her ministry, behavior or any other related issue? One of the most important things you can do is deal with the issues you have quickly and wisely. Some congregants will wait the better part of a year or even longer before they raise an issue that had been rankling with them. During that time, the individuals who are holding back become bitter and distance themselves from their pastor, and sadly, from the ministry of the Word. It’s important that you deal with matters in a timely manner. As Scripture says, “Be angry and do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger and give opportunity to the devil” (Ephesians 4:26). Here are five things you should never say to your pastor.

“I’m not one to gossip but…”

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Gossiping is destructive to the church and you may think you’re not gossiping by beginning the conversation with your pastor this way, but it’s always the prelude to gossip. Gossip is divisive. Talking about other behind their backs never promotes unity, especially when the conversations take place in the back room or the parking lot. It also destroys trust. Those who gossip are often so focused on spreading their news that they miss out on their own that they miss their own foolishness. Gossips may or may not be trying to hurt others, but what they prove is only that they themselves are completely untrustworthy. If you're gossiping to the pastor or members in the church, stop talking. If you like to hear gossip, you’re also guilty. If a person who gossips continues to talk and create turmoil, it’s only right to confront them and call them to repentance. To do anything less is to give the enemy a foothold in the church.

“Now. I’m not going to say who, but some people are unhappy about…”

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It’s common for a congregant to give anonymous criticism to the pastor so that they don’t call a person out or the issue doesn’t sound like it’s coming from them. In fact, it is one of the most common complaints in local churches. Sometimes, it’s even the lay leaders who are leading the charge. A pastor can’t shepherd and resolve conflict if he or she doesn’t know who is having a problem in the church. This isn’t to say that there are some pastors that we should have issues with. Preachers who curse, tell shady stories and gamble reflect lifestyles that are contrary to God’s Will for us. But nitpicking and not acknowledging the heart of issue is particularly problematic. If a pastor is effective at all, someone is always going to have an issue.

“I gave money for that, so I’ll make the decision as to how it’s to be used.”

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First and foremost, God wants us to give because it shows that we recognize He is truly the Lord of our lives. The Bible tells us, “Every good and perfect gift from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows” (James 1:17). Everything we own and everything we have comes from God. So, when we give, we simply offer Him a small portion of all the abundance He has already given to us. We should not giving to the church for recognition or as an attempt to make certain church calls. Giving, including financial contributions is an expression of our thankfulness and praise to God. It comes from a heart of worship that recognizes that everything we give already belongs to the Lord.

“I’m not being spiritually fed.”

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‘I’m not being fed’ is often a spiritualized ways of saying, ‘Your preaching isn’t doing it for me anymore.’ Now, it may be true that you’re not connecting with a pastor’s teaching or the vision a church is offering. That’s a real issue worth exploring. Not every church is going to be a perfect fit for your spiritual needs. However, the statement ‘I’m not being fed’ represents a passive attitude that makes discipleship difficult. It puts an exception on the sermon that no number of sermons can possibly deliver while ignoring altogether to the individual and communal responsibility for spiritual growth outside of what happens in a sermon.