Beyond the occasional “don’t have sex before marriage,” most churches have less than no desire to deal with questions about sex and sexuality. This may have been enough 20 years ago, but today there is no escaping sex. Magazine covers are covered in scantily clad models, and there are endless articles and blogs devoted to improving a person’s performance in bed. Even food advertisements have been sexualized. 

Whether one likes it or not, there is no avoiding the omnipresent idea of sex in the modern age. As such, avoiding the topic of sex simply leaves members of the church to find their information elsewhere, and pastors are unlikely to be happy with neither what their congregation finds nor the conclusions they draw. 

Talking about sex is especially important when it comes to dealing with younger members of the congregation. Teens are naturally curious about sex, and smartphones allow for children as young as eight to watch massive amounts of pornography. In a world that can seem to be ruled by sex, “don’t do it before marriage” is not enough. Church leaders need to honestly discuss how to deal with the urge or pressure to have sex as well as the symptoms of an oversexualized culture, such as pornography. There also needs to be an honest adjustment of expectations. Too many Christians who do remain virgins until marriage expect to suddenly become sex experts because they tied the knot and then feel painfully inadequate when that is not the case. More open discussion about sex would both help recently married couples deal with their own struggles and help young Christians better navigate their oversexualized world.