4 Next Steps When You’re Walking Through the Darkest Suffering

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The problem of pain and suffering in the world is the number one question that drives people away from God, even though it doesn’t have to. The question goes something like this: “If God is all-loving and all-powerful, why would He allow bad things to happen to good people?” The argument goes that God cannot be both all-loving and all-powerful because pain and suffering exist in the world. Too many people have utilized this argument to walk away from God.

For most of us, however, this question is much more personal. “Why did God allow that bad thing to happen to you?” Why did God allow your parents to get divorced? Why did God allow that man to abuse you for so long? Why did God allow your grandparent to die unexpectedly? Why were you the one that was cheated on? Why were you the one that got cancer? The short answer is simple, yet unsatisfying: the reason bad things happen to good people is because we live in a broken and sin-filled world. Hurt people hurt people, and no one is exempt. But God can still be a good God even with pain and suffering in the world.

Think about it this way: you probably consider yourself a good parent, and yet you willingly chose to bring a child into this world, knowing that this child would experience pain, heartbreak, sickness, disease and ultimately death. And yet you’re still a good parent. In the same way, God is still our good loving Heavenly Father even in the midst of pain and suffering. If you or someone you love is walking through the dark valley of suffering and hurt, here are four next steps to help you walk through that valley.

Know that God grieves with you.

Most of us understand that pain is a natural part of the human experience. We just want to know that God is there and that God cares. He is there and He does care. Think about it from the perspective of a parent. When your child gets hurt, what’s your natural response? To grieve with them, to hurt for them, to run to them. What if your child hurts himself because of something dumb or disobedient that they did? What if they were the cause of their own pain? Is that when you scold them and shove their mistake in their face? No! You’re not psychotic. You still run to them and grieve with them.

What if you’re the cause of their pain? Can you still grieve with them? A father in my church recently went through this with his adult son. His son has been an addict for years and has been in and out of jail and rehab numerous times. Recently the son was arrested (again), and the father could have bailed him out like he always did. But he didn’t. He intentionally left him in jail, intentionally left him in suffering, because the son needed to feel the full weight of the consequences of his actions if he would have any motivation to change. Even in this instance, did the father grieve with the suffering son? Absolutely. In the same way, God is a loving Heavenly Father that grieves with us in the midst of our suffering, no matter who or what is the cause of that suffering.

Seek the purpose behind the pain.

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The father left his adult son in jail for a very specific purpose, to give him the motivation he needed to change his lifestyle. Even if we don’t realize it, there is a purpose behind your pain. When you take your small children to the doctor to get shots, it’s a world of confusion and pain from the perspective of the child. They thought everything was fine until the mean nurse came in with a sharp jagged piece of metal to puncture their skin. What’s even worse? You, the protective parent, are actually holding them down and allowing this pain to enter their world. In that moment they can’t see the purpose, all they see is the pain. In that moment they can’t fully grasp that the shot you allowed to be inflicted on them was inoculating them from a greater sickness or was allowing them to quickly heal from the sickness they were enduring in that moment. All they could do is trust you and trust that you still loved them.

In the same way, when we’re walking through pain and suffering, like a child getting shots we can’t always see the bigger picture. We can’t see the purpose behind the pain. So instead of asking, “Why me?” start asking, “God, help me see the purpose behind this pain.” Know and trust that what God is doing in you is of far greater worth than what God is allowing to happen to you. For most of us, our greatest purpose comes from our deepest pain. We just need to discover what that purpose is. So ask God to reveal it to you.

Cling to the cross.

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As a father I’ve had to discipline my sons many times, and when they were younger the best way to get their attention was with a good old-fashioned spanking. I purposefully inflicted pain on them not out of spite but out of intense, overwhelming love. That momentary pain of a spanking led to a greater good of shaping their behavior and teaching them right from wrong. Immediately after a spanking, the boys would always instinctively do the exact same thing: they would hug me. They might not fully understand why they were enduring the pain or even why I was the one inflicting it on them. They just wanted to know that I was still there and that I loved them.

When we walk through suffering, our first instinct should be not to shy away from God as our Heavenly Father but to lean closer into God, like a child embracing a parent. That’s why it’s so important to cling to the cross. Spend time intentionally dwelling on the pain and suffering Jesus endured on the cross. Meditate on the fact that it was your sin that put him up there and that it was his love for you that kept him up there. If you ever doubt God’s love for you, look to the cross. Know that God loved you so much that He gave His only son to die for you.

Look ahead to the day when pain will cease.

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Sometimes life just stinks. But that’s okay because the hope we have is not the hope of this world. There is a better place waiting for us who believe in Jesus. Jesus promised to come back one day soon and take us to be with him in heaven forever. And in that wonderful place, there will be no more pain, no more tears, no more suffering. And that goodness and peace and love and joy will last forever and ever, making our momentary troubles in this life seem like a snap of the fingers.

One of the greatest benefits of pain in this world is that it divorces us from this world and causes us to look ahead to something greater. Pain and suffering cause us to truly realize that this world is not our home and that we’re going to a better place. So allow the pain and suffering you’re walking through to lift your eyes to heaven and cause you to put your hope not in this world, but in the world to come.