The Buddha himself said very little about soulmate relationships or marriage because due to his culture he focused on monasticism. However, when studying Buddhist teachings we can find a wealth of information that is directly applicable to anyone who would like to have a soulmate relationship.
There are four basic dynamics which are essential to create this wonderful relationship that most people dream of.
Commitment to Love and to Grow in Love
Many people wrongly assume that their love would always flow beautifully if they would only meet the right person and that their more negative and selfish sides will only surface if their partner suddenly becomes difficult or boring. The truth is that our love will only be as strong as our commitment to always regard the needs of our partner as important as our own. Not more important and not less – just as important.
The Law of an Even Deal
Unfortunately, a commitment to love alone – beautiful as it is – is not enough. There are a huge number of people who are very devoted to their partners and still their relationships are very unhappy because their love and dedication is not reciprocated. The law of an even deal says that all giving and taking in a relationship must roughly amount to an even deal if both partners are to feel satisfied. This really is common sense but many women still get the rough end when it comes to distributing the chores and family duties. Unconsciously they have allowed the law of an even deal to become uneven by being too submissive or too forgiving.
Many people do not like the thought of an even deal in a romantic relationship because it feels too calculating. However, after many years of working as a psychotherapist with people who have relationship problems I have to say: If we want a great relationship we can’t afford the law of an even deal to go out of balance from the very first moment when we meet a potential partner. This is particularly important for women who have a tendency to disregard the law of an even deal to their own disadvantage.
Harmonious and Erotic Patterns Between Female and Male Energies
Now we have love and equality but what about romance? Romance and erotic energy work best if a woman enjoys her femininity and a man enjoys his masculinity. Then both partners can start the romantic and erotic dance that is possible only if two people are delightfully different. The archetypal romantic gesture is when the male gives to the female and if the female receives gracefully. This is not an attack on the victories of feminism but simply appreciates what most people find romantically and erotically fulfilling.
The Unavoidable Merging-Process Between Two People in a Sexual Relationship
Many people do not realise just how much two partners can hold each other back in their overall happiness. Being in a sexual relationship is like sitting in one emotional boat where you can only float or sink together. Unfortunately, it is the partner who is more unloving who will determine the overall atmosphere of a couple. This is due to the fact that negative emotions are more dominant than positive ones.
Soulmates have agreed to follow the advice of the happier and wiser partner (who is in this role may often change) so that the couple as a whole can develop in amazing leaps and starts and bring wonderful things to the world.
In my work as a counselor I have found that every problem in a relationship can be traced back to violating one of these four basic dynamics. On the other hand, if these areas of a relationship are positively in place both people will be very happy.
Tara Springett is the author of Soulmate Relationships: How to Find, Keep and Understand Your Perfect Partner. She holds an M.A. in Education and has post-graduate qualifications in gestalt therapy, body awareness therapy and transpersonal therapy. She is a fully qualified and licensed psychotherapist and counselor. Tara has worked as a drugs counselor, counselor for adolescents and general psychotherapist since 1988. Tara has been a dedicated Buddhist practitioner since 1986. In 1997 she received encouragement from her Buddhist teachers to teach meditation. Tara is the author of several self-help books. She has been featured in numerous publications and has appeared on various radio and television shows in Europe and the United States. Her website is: www.taraspringett.com.