2019-11-11

No-Excuse Sunday


* Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in." * There will be a section with lounge chairs for those who feel our pews are too hard. * We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof will cave in if I ever came to church." * Blankets will be provided for those who think, "The church is too hot." * Fans will be provided for those who think, "The church is too cold." * Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present. * One section will have trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature. * The sanctuary will be decorated with both poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen the church without them. - Joke shared on Beliefnet's Religious Humor page.
Popular Jokes
function scroll() { var delay = 10; //Get query parameters function getUrlVars() { var vars = {}; var parts = window.location.href.replace(/[?&]+([^=&]+)=([^&]*)/gi, function (m, key, value) { vars[key] = value; }); return vars; } var page = getUrlVars()["p"]; // Scroll down to the paginated content if (page != null && page.length > 0) { setTimeout(function () { function offset(el) { var rect = el.getBoundingClientRect(), scrollTop = window.pageYOffset || document.documentElement.scrollTop; return { top: rect.top + scrollTop } } var div = document.getElementById("scrollToHere"); var divOffset = offset(div); window.scrollTo(0, divOffset.top - 75); }, delay); } }
Search Our Jokes

browse by category

More Jokes
function scroll() { var delay = 10; //Get query parameters function getUrlVars() { var vars = {}; var parts = window.location.href.replace(/[?&]+([^=&]+)=([^&]*)/gi, function (m, key, value) { vars[key] = value; }); return vars; } var page = getUrlVars()["p"]; // Scroll down to the paginated content if (page != null && page.length > 0) { setTimeout(function () { function offset(el) { var rect = el.getBoundingClientRect(), scrollTop = window.pageYOffset || document.documentElement.scrollTop; return { top: rect.top + scrollTop } } var div = document.getElementById("scrollToHere"); var divOffset = offset(div); window.scrollTo(0, divOffset.top - 75); }, delay); } }