Five Steps to Inner Peace on the Ride of Your Life

How to Build Inner Strength

Physical muscles build up by facing the challenge weight. Mental muscles too grow stronger as we challenge them. According to Barbara Fredrickson, a leading positive psychology researcher, “in life there are situations where you have to perform in areas where you are weak, and it is those situations that may bring the most pride and the most lasting sense of confidence, achievement, and strength as well.” First and foremost, inner strength is developed by putting oneself in challenging situations, outside of one’s comfort zone. Once you put yourself out in the open, you must surrender all aggression, harness your innate strengths to deal with the challenges, and break some sweat.

Real strength

Identify and harness your natural, innate strengths: All of us are born with unique capabilities and skills. Some people run fast, others can maintain perfect balance, and some can lift significant weight. Focusing on these specific skills helps grow them and builds extra strength. When it comes to one’s mental fitness, there has been significant work done in the past decade on identifying natural strengths. The two most established ways to identify and measure strengths are the Values In Action (VIA) questionnaire, developed by Chris Peterson and Martin Seligman, and Gallup’s Strengths Finder. Once you identify your natural strengths, you can start utilizing them when the road gets rough.

Be active

Being present is key to finding your inner peace. Not just being in the present moment, but being present actively – as a player who shapes the course of the moment, and not only observing it. When Deepak Chopra was ordained as a Buddhist monk in Thailand in 2010, he got to experience the present moment like never before. Before his departure to return home, the abbot provided him with one final piece of advice: “all your spiritual learning is useless if it doesn’t change your life. The most important time in your life is now; The most important person in your life is the one you’re with now; And the most important activity in your life is what you’re doing now. The rest is theory.”

3. Dump Your Ego

The word “ego” has become derogatory in our culture. Dumping your ego is therefore hard, because it’s hard to admit you actually have one. “Me? I don’t have an ego!” The ego is an outer shell, an external layer of protection that is built over years. It is the belief in our self-importance that in turn reassures us that we know better and do better than anyone else. In simple words, our ego helps us lie to ourselves so we can feel better. The cost of this “comprehensive protection package” is a much distorted perception of reality. The ego will manipulate what we see with our own eyes to show us that we are right, giving us immediate comfort. It’s comforting to think that others are to blame and that others mess up because they are simply not as smart as your magnificent self. Nine out of ten times when you think people plot against you, have hidden agendas, dare speak to you that way, and so on – your ego is making it up. The cost that one’s ego deducts from their personal happiness account is significant. According to spiritual leader and best-selling author Byron Katie, having a big ego brings about a lot of stress, as it burdens the person with the ongoing effort to hold a false identity. Also, from a strength-perspective, egoistic behavior is an expression of weakness. People who are deeply strong are kind, empathetic, and compassionate. Research shows that people who are grateful, generous, and forgiving (“weak” from an ego perspective) are the happiest. Be important to others, not self-important. You can’t keep your eyes on the road and the scenery if you keep checking your looks in the mirror.

Well-being

Extensive research in social sciences shows that one’s sense of control over life is a major factor for psychological well-being and personal drive. Of course, life presents all of us with situations where have limited control over the course of things, but we always have full control over our own actions, thoughts, and feelings. In his seminal book “Man’s Search for Meaning”, Viktor Frankl describes how that very sense of autonomy kept him going in the harsh reality of a concentration camp. Even in the most dire of situations, he still cherished the control he had over his thoughts and feelings, and whatever limited control he had over his own actions. In her early twenties, coach best-selling author and Caroline Miller suffered from an eating disorder. She says that her initial behavior involved blaming it on others, thinking of herself as a victim. But then she realized how much control she has over her own behavior. This realization not only resulted in her recovery but also in a new calling as a coach who helps others take control over their lives. You can’t control the road, the other drivers, or the unexpected oil puddles and potholes, but you can control the bike. Next time you start complaining about others or about “tough luck” try this simple exercise: write five things you can do that are within your full control on a piece of paper. Then select one and act on it. It works for me every time.

5. Let Love Rule

Love is the field that connects all of us together. It’s the fabric from which the good in life is woven. Love connects all living things and perhaps the inanimate as well. And love is the ultimate platform for experiencing inner peace. When you are strong enough to not be let down by the life’s daily struggles, immersed in the present time, ego-less, and take control over your destiny, love emerges naturally. According to Deepak Chopra, the individual doesn’t really exist. Every word one utters, every idea one has, is not their own. Ideas are “born” from our collective consciousness, and in the end there is only the universe recycling itself as a person. Everything you call “me” is actually the recycled universe. If you accept this view that there is no real separation between you and the world, love comes naturally, and love for others is the same as loving yourself.