1. "Dear God, thank you for Ziggy comics, little baby ducks, and
`Sweatin' to the Oldies' volumes one, two, and four."
2. "Bless the grocer for this wonderful meat, the middleman who jacked up
the price, and let's not forget the humane but determined boys at the
3. (Before a hurricane arrives in Springfield:) "Ooh, I better take down
the manger scene. If Baby Jesus got loose, He could really do some
4. (After the hurricane:) "Why me, Lord? Where have I gone wrong? I've
always been nice to people! I don't drink or dance or swear! I've even
kept kosher, just to be on the safe side. I've done everything the Bible
says; even the stuff that contradicts the other stuff! What more could I
5. NED: Rev. Lovejoy, with all that's happened to us today, I kinda feel
LOVEJOY: Well, aren't you being a tad melodramatic, Ned? Also, I believe
Job was right-handed.
NED: But Reverend, I need to know. Is God punishing me?
LOVEJOY: Ooh, short answer: "yes" with an "if." Long answer: "no" with a
6. NED: At times like these, I used to turn to the Good Book and find
solace, but even the Good Book can't help me now.
HOMER: Why not?
NED: I sold it to you for seven cents.