As a mother, I’m not a cheery SAHM!!! HEARTS!!!DH!!!!.

Obviously. I’ve worked outside the home with most of my children, and I’m just very grateful that my current career path lets me work from home, not just because I don’t have to ship a baby to day care for 8 hours a day, but also because I don’t have to wear hose, except on Sundays. During the winter. When it’s below 25 degrees.

But for me, working at home surrounded by little children much of the week (except for the Holy Hours of Babysitting a few mornings a week) actually has a intellectual dimension, apart from the spiritual element, the sacrifice, and the simple demands and priviliges of loving little ones. And no, it’s not the "this teaches me to be a really-super organized manager" part either. Because, you know, I’m not.

No, staying at home with small children, as tiring as it is, has come to be an essential part of my mental landscape because it’s a situation in which I can, safely and without censure, stare at other people and study their behavior, for hours on end.

That’s important for a writer, you know.

At the moment what fascinates me is the drive for independence. We can pile up every toy in the house in front of the baby. He’ll look at them for a moment, and perhaps even stick one or two of them in his mouth. But then, before you know it, his eyes will dart around. What’s he looking for? An opening of course. Which, no matter how vigilantly we have attempted to close, he will find – a crack between fence and couch, the ledge along the window – that’s where he’ll head, squeezing himself tight until he gets through, or gets stuck. Remove baby. Place in front of toys. Eyes dart. Head for the hills again.

It gives me so much to think about, as does what Dr. Dobson calls "the strong-willed child." I’ve had a bunch of them, children who are determined to get their way. In my view, that’s a tough child to deal with, and not just because the battle scares – in fact, I see a strong will as a good thing. I don’t want my children to grow up to be compliant doormats. I want them to respect proper authority and to be polite, and truly loving, but I also want them to not be easily discouraged in reaching their goals and overcoming obstacles.

As with independence, setting boundaries is essential, for their own safety, and character development. But I don’t want the boundaries to be cages. The most interesting students I taught were those with the strongest wills, who balked at conforming, who questioned. They drove me crazy, but frankly, they were usually smart, creative and ready to burst out into the world and do something, too.

Looking at the saints, I see the same thing. A careful combination of humility, obedience and…strong wills, a capacity to take risks and a fearless willingness to cut ties, all for the sake of a passionate love of God and willingness to listen to His voice, above all human ones.

So, as the baby edges towards the opening one more time, determined, willful and it seems, hopeful…I have to wonder. How can I best teach him to listen to that voice, the voice that’s leading him on, outward and upward, and discern between that voice and those that might sound similar and present the same opening…but will lead him to dangerous places, instead?