Technically, the baby is due in ten weeks. Penny and William were both early, so I assume I have 8 or 9 to go. Penny has endured this family upheaval before. She seems as ready as she can be to be a “big, big sister,” in her words. William doesn’t seem so sure. If I ask him if he wants to feel the baby kick, he furrows his brow and says a definitive, “No!”
So I am particularly grateful for the gift of time alone with William as we prepare for the arrival of this next little one. Most days, he and I drive Penny to school and then talk on our way home in the car. He asks me to name the streets as we pass them. We talk about the fall leaves and he tells me words that rhyme. Once we get home, we read a story and I sing him a few songs and say “night night” and he always calls me back into his room because, “I need one more hug, Mom!” When he wakes up from his nap, he has taken to staying in his crib. He lays his blanket over his bare legs–even in the winter, he prefers to sleep pantless–and looks up at me with his big brown eyes and says, “Mom, let’s talk.”
And so I sit in the rolling chair nearby, in this room that was once my office and has never quite become a nursery, and we talk. We talk about William’s “colors”–the two mismatched beach towels covering his window since I haven’t gotten around to buying curtains. He tells me he likes them. The sun shines through and illuminates the room in shades of blue and orange. Most days, he wants to talk about Christmas, or, rather, Santa. “Does Santa love me?” I try to redirect the conversation to Jesus’ birthday, but elves and the North Pole and chimneys and special treats hold a great deal of power over a two-year old.
Every few minutes, we hear a rumble. William pops up to watch the school buses out the window. Soon, we both know it will be time for his big sister to come home. He will get dressed and we will walk downstairs together and run outside to greet her as she steps off the van (William corrects me if I ever call it a bus).
And two months from now, a baby will join us. I am tempted to say that this baby will disrupt us, intrude upon our newfound companionship. But instead I have decided to be grateful for the gift of time with William, and to look forward to watching him grow into his new role as a big brother. I have decided to anticipate this baby not as a disruption to our time, but as an expansion of our love.
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