The Queen of My Self


The holiday season brings many parties and celebrations of all sorts. And lots of occasions for dressing up and wanting to look our best at any age.

By Linda Kelsey, UK (The Daily Mail)

As I punch the last digit of my pin into the card reader, I feel a surge of self-directed anger swell up inside me.

I have just bought £600-worth of cellulite-busting treatment to give me the beach body of my dreams. Or, more likely, in my dreams.

Because the body I dream of has nothing to do with my body and could only ever belong to a svelte, long and slender-limbed 30-year-old.

What makes me suddenly so furious is not just the money I’ve blown on a treatment that’s time-consuming, uncomfortable and, let’s face it, might not even work but the realisation that I’m still desperately trying to deny the fact that I’m no longer young.

Who am I kidding? I’m not even middle-aged. Unless, of course, I live until I’m 118 — which seems a little unlikely.

And even if all my cellulite, which has increased in the past couple of years as I’ve gone through a late menopause, were to miraculously disappear, what difference would it make to my life?

Will men suddenly start to proposition me on the beach?

I hardly think so given that it will still be me, aged 59, minus a few dimples on my thighs.

The pretty young things in thongs will continue to make men’s eyes pop as their smooth buttocks bob confidently besides the seashore.

Will my lover become more amorous in proportion to my dissolving cellulite? Actually, he’s not bothered by my wobbly bits and, once we’re in bed and he’s taken his contacts out, I don’t look too bad anyway.

Will my women friends think more of me? No, of course not. They don’t give a damn that my skin resembles orange peel. In fact, it probably makes them feel rather better about theirs.

Will I love myself more? Maybe, for about five minutes, until I find another body part to start obsessing over.

Like so many women in their 40s and beyond, I am the victim of a futile quest to conquer the visible signs of ageing; one of the millions made miserable by the idea that if we throw enough time and money at the problem, we’ll defeat nature and stay forever young.
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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to