The Queen of My Self


October is harvest time, a time of maturity and fruition. The Queen time of the year. What have we sown? What have we reaped? Lessons, experience, mastership, wisdom.

I am fascinated, obsessed really, by women’s relationship to power. I have been doing workshops on the subject for several years now and am working on a book about it. The more I see, the more women I speak to, the more I realize that that relationship is on very shaky ground, indeed.

We women are often afraid of our own power. Afraid to be thought of as pushy or bitchy if we assert ourselves willfully with the full force of our purpose without Self-demeaning false modesty. We are sitting on a powder keg of tramped down passion. This is our power. We must liberate it — for our own good and for the greater good, as well.

The first step to becoming powerful women is to accept responsibility and sovereignty over our own lives and to feel secure in the effectiveness of our own authority.

We need to:

Identify and release our fears of success, power and leadership

Honor our abilities and hard-won wisdom

Claim our stature

Celebrate our strength

Embody our mighty influence

Exert the power of our moral convictions

Once we embrace the personal power of being the Queens of ourselves, we can join together with other Self-directed women to take it out into the world to use for the benefit of all.

We Queens have the very power that we need. We are mature, experienced, strong and brave. Plus, we are the biggest demographic in the country. Remember, one out of every three women is over 50 years of age. If only we realized how much power we have.

We do have the power, the power of our hard won wisdom and the power of our numbers. We need to use it. The example of Egypt is still fresh. When enough people demand freedom and equality, they cannot be denied.

In Norway, a brave women, Ebba Halund, and her radio listeners started a campaign that said, Vote for the Party that Supports Women. That beginning took Norway’s decision-making seats from 0 to close to 50% and these elected women began turning the country’s focus and money from financing war prevention to social and people stability. What was important to those women leaders was that our children, randchildren, neighbors and older family had the services they needed. Creative solutions came because there was money to support this agenda.

If American women would increase their voting turnout by ten percent, I think we would see an end to all of the budget cuts in programs benefiting women and children.

-Coretta Scott King

It is clear to me that we women must claim, embrace — and most important — use our power.  Now is the time to acknowledge ourselves. It is high time to speak our truth, walk our talk and put our money where our mouth is. We have held back long enough. Starting here, starting now, we must claim our rightful duties as leaders, as healers, as visionaries, as role models. We have the whole world in our hands.

Wise women wield power wisely and the planet is in desperate need of our wisdom. The time couldn’t be more crucial. Hell may have no fury like a woman scorned, but women standing together side by side, autonomous, proud and empowered can create heaven on Earth!

There will be no heaven unless we make it.
– Florence Nightingale

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to


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