The Queen of My Self

September marks the beginning of the school year. And even if we have not attended classes in ages, we are still affected through our children and grand kids, as well as our own memories.

Letter to my 12 year old self

Dear Donna,

I know you are miserable, sad, scared, angry. You are planning your escape. Good for you for even imagining it! But the time is not yet. Trust in time. Trust in your dreams. Trust that you will live a special life, and most of all, trust that you will finally find happiness. And surprise! That happiness is right there inside of you. It’s there now, but I know you can’t feel it.But I also know that somewhere in your sad little heart lies a smoldering coal of joy. And in just a few years it will ignite and light you with sheer joy. With courage. With competence and confidence. This, I promise, will come to pass. I know this, because it has happened. I am you. And I am happy.




Remember when:
You were born a daughter.
you looked up to your mother.
you looked up to your father.
you looked up to everyone.
you wanted to be a princess.
you wanted to own a horse.
you wanted your brother to be a horse.
you wanted to wear pink.
you never wanted to wear pink.
you wanted to be a veterinarian.
you wanted to be president.
you wanted to be the president’s veterinarian.
you were picked last for the team.
you were the best one on the team.
you refused to be on the team.
you wanted to do well in algebra.
you hid during algebra.
you wanted boys to notice you.
you were afraid the boys would notice you.
you started to get acne.
started to get breasts.
you started to get acne that was
than your breasts.
you couldn’t wait to wear a bra.
you wouldn’t wear a bra.
you couldn’t fit into a bra.
you didn’t like the way you looked.
you didn’t like the way your parents looked.
you didn’t want to grow up.
you had your first best friend.
you had your first date.
you spent hours on the telephone.
you got kissed.
you got to kiss back.
you didn’t go to the prom.
you went to the prom with the wrong person.
you spent hours on the telephone.
you fell in love.
you fell in love.
you fell in love.
you lost your best friend.
you lost your other best friend.
you really fell in love.
you became a steady girlfriend.
you became a significant other.
you became significant to yourself.
sooner or later, you start to take
yourself seriously.
you know when you need a break.
you know when you need a rest.
you know what to get worked up about, and
what to get rid of and you know
when it’s time to take care of yourself,
for yourself to do something that makes you
stronger,faster,more confident.
because you know it’s never too
late to live life and never too late to change one.

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to