The Queen of My Self

June is traditionally the month for weddings and it is also now celebrated as Gay Pride month. Love is in the air all around. This is a juicy time of making whoopy.

But while June is the jolly season for Brides and Grooms, Brides and Brides and Grooms and Grooms, it is important to remember that the most primary and important love is that of Self Love. All relationships are built on the respect, esteem and affection that we have for our self. 

I posed this question to the lovely community of women on my Facebook Queen of My Self page:

Q. What are your experiences of Beauty and Age? Your personal-best breakthroughs? Are you, as I expect, better now than ever?

A: No, I’m not. I still look ten years younger than I am, but for the first time I can actually see age in my face! Yikes! I’m 53, and I do know how lucky I am, but it still freaks me out. I need to go to one of your workshops!
– Jessie, NY

A: Feeling the most confident and beautiful now that the hateful relationship with the ex is over. Yay!
– Donna, NY

A: Oh my! I think we need to circle round with cups of hot tea and ring the Tibetan bells, and then delve into the depths of this fertile ground. Right now, heading off to an appointment and just stopping by to give you all a big hug!
– Jacqueline, CA

A: Age has its own beauty. It’s not easy to accept or feel good about youthful looks fading away, even if you are lucky to age gracefully, or luckier still to be able to hide your age. I keep thinking it would be nice to look the age I feel, and I relish being reminded that there are many ways to define beauty and many ways to feel beautiful. Learning to be comfortable with the way you look, and with your inner self is pretty damned important, at least to me. The older I get the more outrageous I become.
– L.a., PA

A: My mother is one of the most beautiful women. i’m biased, of course, but when she allowed the grey in her hair to slowly percolate through her dark brown/black hair starting in her late twenties, she provided a wonderful example of aging gracefully and accepting the gifts that gravity and age bestow upon us. My mother turns sixty-five this year. She has a full head of beautiful silver hair; i’ve just turned forty-seven and have lovely silver at my temples, a chin/neck that is beginning to wattle and a gift around my middle that had never been there before. I am loving and learning from what I call “gravities angels” about how to reign as a young Queen in my own domain. Throughout my twenties and thirties, I bridled when people said i was lucky to look younger than my age. I felt they overlooked my intelligence and point of view to focus on my appearance. I am feeling more satisfied these days to actually look my age! Don’t get me wrong, i have my challenges with the wattle thing, but still try to find the gifts in it sent from gravities angels.
– Dawn, CA

A: The fact is, that I’m so grateful to have my body, a temple for my soul. I take very good care of it: Yoga, good food, meditations, cleansing out. I love life and I love my body.
– Zabrina, Germany

A: I really think that if we want to have less sexism in our society we ought to give ourselves a break and quit spending so much money. time and energy on trying to “hide” our age. We get older, that’s a fact. If we’re lucky, that is. Age shows, and that is a fact. The only thing I hate worse than male strangers who I don’t know in the street or on the bus not showing any respect for me anymore, because yes, I show age in my face, is when women do that to me. Please stop! Consider all the money you will be saving, not to mention time and energy. You just might end up being more youthful by spending that time, money and energy on something other than your looks.
– Aimee, CA

A: There is a saying that age has its compensations. It does, experience being one, and a little wisdom, hopefully, too. When you think that not a century ago women of 50 more often looked 75+ if they managed to survive that long.
– Gerri, England

A: Here, here, lovely ladies. I agree with your thoughts on aging. The wisdom, patience and polish that comes with age cannot be replaced with the beauty of our outer bodies of younger years.
– Bea, IA

Q. And YOU, dear readers, What are YOUR experiences of Beauty and Age? YOUR personal-best breakthroughs? Are YOU, as I expect, better now than ever?


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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to

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