The Queen of My Self

By Michelle Morris Spieker

Roles in society are expanding more and more. We strive to accomplish, manage, organize, direct, and star — all in an attempt to make our lives richer, fuller, more meaningful. Yet as we look outward for fulfillment, we are depleting the essential source of nourishment to the soul — the self.

Unfortunately, many of us are busy doing things mostly for others, and as a result, we tend to neglect ourselves. Some people might say it’s selfish to do nice things for yourself. But what’s actually dangerous is giving so much to others that we deplete ourselves.

When we slow down and make giving to ourselves a high priority, we are cherishing ourselves. Soon we begin to have a glow about us. We start to have more energy. And we make healthier choices in all areas of our life. When we address our inner needs and nurture our authentic selves, all areas of our lives improve.

After deciding to cherish myself, my life miraculously transformed. I welcomed true love, discovered my passion for working in the field of personal empowerment, let go of struggle, and found the courage to be my true self. I can look back now and say that the twists and turns of life that led me to this point all make sense, but I had a choice to make and so do you. I could have continued on the path of not loving myself and my life would have proceeded as a series of events and dramas to painfully awaken my soul. What I did instead was to make a decision to love and cherish myself and a whole new journey of life began.

So take a moment, breathe, and decide to cherish yourself.

The key to cherishing yourself is recognizing that you are valuable, lovable and definitely worth being cherished. Once you are ready to make this decision for yourself, you will discover an inner confidence that was trapped just behind your fears.

Be aware that there is a distinction between wanting to cherish yourself and actually fully accepting that you are worth being cherished. When you accept in your heart that you are worth cherishing, from that moment forward your life is enhanced.

I believe much of what our life presents to us is a direct reflection of how much we love ourselves. So if your life continually disappoints you or if you are unhappy, it’s time to find out why.

It’s time to say out loud “I am worth being cherished!”

Learn to discover your special gifts. It’s important to learn to appreciate who you are. Recognize your value, and it will enhance your life. It will also help others appreciate you.

You can start by making a list of things you like about yourself. The list may include things from any and all aspects of your life — your smile, your eyes, your hair, your personality, your laugh, your intelligence, your talent, your adventuresomeness, your peace, your willingness, your freedom, or your sparkle. Keep the list handy and look at it often.

When you do nice things for yourself, you send a message of love to the Cherished Self. This helps you build a positive self-image, which in turn will generate even more loving feelings toward yourself.

Make a list of ways to be loving to yourself. Think of the things in life that bring charm, joy and pleasure to your soul. Make an ongoing list, and place it in a spot where the list will remind you to do something nice for yourself on a regular basis. Start with 25 ways to cherish yourself. Share the list with your partner or a close friend and encourage them to help you do nice things for yourself.

Set aside some time just for you. One of the greatest ways to cherish yourself is to find time for yourself. Block out time every week to do a separate special activity. Refer to your list for ideas of what you’d enjoy.

Now that you have begun cherishing yourself, you’ve started the journey home to your true self. You’re learning to connect to your heart. And as you get better and better at cherishing yourself, you will become more authentic, and feel more joy, fulfillment and passion.

Be an ever unfolding Cherished Self. Learn new ways to be good to yourself. Follow your heart and be true to your path.

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to





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