The Easter Bunny, Emilia informs me, is a fighter.

“He can fight, Mommy. Because he’s big.”

“Santa’s big, too.”

“Santa doesn’t fight, though, because he doesn’t need to.”


“He just has elves around him, and they’re happy and nice, and Santa doesn’t need to fight them.”

I’m almost afraid to ask who or what it is, exactly, that the Easter Bunny needs to fight. Easter zombies? Were-chickens?

Emilia has her answer ready before I can even formulate the question.

“I saw on the nature show (the National Geographic channel, I’m guessing; which, remind me to cancel) that owls eat bunnies, and the Easter Bunny fights the owls. GIANT OWLS…”

(Really. Remind me to cancel that channel.)

“… so that he can make Easter safe for all the other bunnies, and also the children.”

“Owls don’t eat children, sweetie.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“Did you know why the Easter Bunny is a fighter?”


“BECAUSE YOU DON’T KNOW EVERYTHING. So there COULD be owls that eat kids, so THERE.”

I want some clergyperson, somewhere, to do a sermon on the Easter Bunny as an evil owl-slaying ninja, and this as a metaphor for the life and death of Christ and his war against sin. Any takers?

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