Dahlia_'White_Perfection'_1                Hello all!  Today I want to talk about the topic of perfection.  As codependents and love addicts, we have striven for perfection constantly, only to be disappointed when our expectations were not met.  Whether it was someone else we were trying to impress or just ourselves, we were hard on ourselves for not executing it perfectly.

We don’t have to be hard on ourselves.  Nobody in this world is perfect!  We seem to hear that from people all the time, but the struggle is in understanding and really believing it.

We look at other peoples’ lives, especially with social media, and they seem to have it all – jobs, families, houses, vacations, and happiness.  But there is so much of peoples’ lives that we do not see, and each person has their struggles.  Truly, nobody is perfect.

But oh how we wanted to be.  If we were perfect, our parents would love us right, or boyfriend would be our husband, and we would get that promotion we dream about.  But our perfectionism hinders us more than it helps us.  We focus too much of our energy into trying to please others and be the perfect person that we lose ourselves.  We don’t do what we want, or what may even be good for us, because there is a chance that we can be the perfect person and that will solve our problems.  When we fail at being perfect – not because we are failures at all, but simply because nobody can be perfect, we are ashamed of ourselves.  We feel guilty, and we tell ourselves that next time we’ll be more perfect, an antagonize over minute details rather than the bigger picture.

Our worth is not defined by how perfect we are, as we have been led to believe.  No matter what, we are worthy, and if there is someone that expects perfection in return for their presence in your life, they are not the right person for you, and that is okay.  We are imperfect.  It makes us human,  It allows us to empathize and have compassion for others, and when we share our imperfections with others, we are courageous and it creates connections with others.  We don’t have to be perfect.  Nobody is.

Sherry Gaba, LCSW, Radio Host, Certified Transformation Coach and author of  the award winning book, The Law of Sobriety:Attracting Positive Energy for a Powerful Recovery and Ecourse www.wakeuprecovery.com. www.sherrygaba.com sherry@sgabatherapy.com

More from Beliefnet and our partners
previous posts

“The lover says, I cannot love anyone else, I cannot give up loving, I cannot give up this love, for it would be the death of me and I would die of love.”   Soren Kierkegaard in Works of Love Many people have a fear of abandonment, but love addicts are terrified of it. They also […]

Most of the time, love addicts are very susceptible to dating anyone who they are attracted to and who shows some interest in them. Because they are love addicts and feel they need romantic love to be happy, they will settle for less than what they want. They will allow themselves to keep dating someone […]

It is not uncommon to enter into a relationship with someone who seems like Mr. or Mrs. Right during the dating phase only to find out they have an addiction problem once you are married or living together as partners. Unfortunately, many addicts are experts at hiding their addictive behaviors. Addictions to pornography, sex, shopping, gambling, and work are much easier […]

In many codependent relationships, addiction is part of the relationship. In Ramona M. Asher’s book “Women With Alcoholic Husbands: Ambivalence and the Trap of Codependency,” the issue of the interactive nature of the relationship, the effects of the addiction and the behavior of the codependent are explored. One of the factors this book, which is written from the interviews […]