Woman sleeping

If you heard that a couple was sleeping in separate bedrooms, you would probably think that there was a bigger issue or serious trouble in their relationship. You may wonder if they’re having issues with communication or intimacy.

While we traditionally associate leaving the bedroom with a more serious relationship problem, this may not be the case. A growing number of couples are choosing separate beds. These couples say that doing this helps them get better sleep and alleviates marital problems.

There are a number of things that your partner may do at night that can disrupt your sleep. Snoring is one of those things. You may be wide awake while your partner is snoring through the night and vice versa.

The temperature of the room is another thing that can disrupt sleep. Your partner may be hot-natured and you may be cold natured. This can make sleeping together difficult, especially when someone keeps pulling the comforter off or on you so that they are more comfortable.

Then, there are different sleeping routines. You and your partner may go to bed at different times and wake up at different times. These factors (and many others) play a big role in people losing sleep. Sleeping in separate bedrooms can eliminate these issues.

While sleeping better can seem appealing, many couples fear sleeping in separate bedrooms. One of the big fears is killing intimacy. Relationship experts point out that sleeping separately won’t ruin a couple’s sex life any more than having a TV in a shared bedroom. Other forms of technology can get in the way as well.  Even with the most devoted couples, it seems that once-common conversations in bed have been replaced with endless scrolling through social media apps and sites.

Smartphones can be the culprit of communication breakdown among couples. Intimacy is hard to achieve or maintain when your phone keeps being with alerts, notifications and email reminders. A constant, merciless distraction, technology has come to replace deep-felt, long conversations. In fact, some couples talk more about their relationships on Facebook than they do face-to-face with the person they’re actually married to.

Distractions are at the real heart of intimacy issues. You don’t have to sleep in the same room to have physical or emotional intimacy. You can be sure to focus on closeness, love and communication outside of the bedroom which can build intimacy.

If you’re trying to create greater intimacy, consider having real conversations. Drop the phone and all the other things distracting you from real conversation. Before the days of smart phones, people talked over the phone and face to face, valuing the time they spent talking and getting to know the person they were interested in. Also, take out time for each other. Consider a monthly date night or activity that you and your spouse will grow to anticipate and love together.


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