Recently, while reading a book called “Big Magic” by Elizabeth Gilbert (of Eat, Pray, Love fame), I came across an explanation of fear that I absolutely LOVED.

She describes fear as your ever-present buddy that always goes along for the ride, whether you want him to or not.  He’s right there, wherever you go, always warning you about all the things that could go wrong.  But what I like best is her response to it.  Instead of trying to constantly battle with it, she gives it space.

She says, “Dearest Fear:  Creativity and I are about to go on a road trip together.  I understand you’ll be joining us, because you always do.  I acknowledge that you believe you have an important job to do in my life, and that you take your job seriously.  So by all means, keep doing your job, if you feel you must.  But I will also be doing my job on this road trip, which is to work hard and stay focused.  And Creativity will be doing its job, which is to remain stimulating and inspiring.  There’s plenty of room in this vehicle for all of us, so make yourself at home, but understand this:  Creativity and I are the only ones who will be making any decisions along the way.  I recognize and respect that you are part of this family, and so I will never exclude you from our activities, but still- your suggestions will never be followed.  You are allowed to have a seat and you’re allowed to have a voice, but you are not allowed to have a vote.  You’re not allowed to touch the road maps; you’re not allowed to fiddle with the temperature.  Dude, you’re not even allowed to touch the radio.  But above all else, my dear old familiar friend, you are absolutely forbidden to drive.”

HOW GREAT IS THAT?

So often, we (me included) forget that WE have control over our fear, not the other way around.  Fear can sometimes feel so great, so powerful, so all-consuming… that it takes everything in us just to keep from having a heart attack.  Much less, try to move forward with whatever we were attempting in the first place.

But we don’t have to cower in the presence of fear anymore.

Like Gilbert said, fear can be a good thing.  In true life or death situations, it can keep you on guard and warn you of peril.  But outside of that, fear is nothing but a nuisance.  In fact, it can be flat out boring.  Another point that Gilbert and I agree on.

“I somehow figured out that my fear had no variety to it, no depth, no substance, no texture.  I noticed that my fear never changed, never delighted, never offered a surprise twist or an unexpected ending.  My fear was a song with only one note – only one word, actually – and that word was ‘STOP!’  Which means that my fear always made predictably boring decisions, like a choose-your-own-ending book that always had the same ending:  nothingness.”

YES.  YES.  YES.

Think about it…. when you let fear or anxiety control your life, what happens?  You give in.  Every time.  Over and over.  You pass up on opportunities, relationships, outings, promotions, adventures and anything else that may scare or intimidate you.  You choose to stay home, stay single, stay in your current job, your current home, not take the trip or not explore the opportunity.

It’s all no… no… no.  Nothing new, nothing exciting, nothing different.  Just stay where you are.  Stick to what you know.  Stay safe.

But seriously, how boring is that?

I realized, as Gilbert did, that fear was depriving me of having a lot of fun in my life and honestly, that ticked me off!  Who was fear to say that I couldn’t do something?  You think you can keep me down and tell me what to do?  Oh, I’ll show you who’s boss!

And I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume the same is probably true for many of you.

You’ve heard that voice.  You’ve felt that pit in your stomach.  The one that says “go back!“… “stop now!“… “don’t do it!”

We all have it.

The question now though is… how are you going to answer?