– I planted some birdseed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.

– I had amnesia once — or twice.

– I went to San Francisco. I found someone’s heart. Now what?

– Protons have mass? I didn’t even know they were Catholic.

– All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

– They told me I was gullible … and I believed them.

– Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up,
he’ll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

– Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

– Is there another word for synonym?

– The speed of time is one second per second.

– Is it possible to be totally partial?

– Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?

– If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

– Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground,
and I’ll show you a man who can’t get his pants off.

-It’s not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

– Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

– Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

– What if there were no hypothetical questions?

– One nice thing about egotists: They don’t talk about other people.

– When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

– A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

– What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

– My weight is perfect for my height — which varies.

– I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

– The cost of living hasn’t affected its popularity.

– How can there be self-help “groups”?

Humor is holy!Prayables


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