Our Lady of Weight Loss

Pig Crossing by Janice Taylor, Self-Help Artist (art that invokes happy wisdom).

Now that the basic family holidays are behind us – the food and  gift-giving, candle lighting, sugar-coated, glazed holidaze – I sat this morning, the last day of 2011, reliving and reflecting on some of the ‘highlights’ of these past two months – a.k.a. The Holiday Season.

While there were plenty of powerfully moving moments, heart-achingly beautiful happenings, a few of the funnier moments have surfaced as well, which I’m happy to share with you!  (All’s fair in love and laughter!)

I am remembering the fast line to the Thanksgiving buffet, which included a bit of pushing and shoving – and me saying sternly (okay, sternly and rather loudly) to the little ones (under 12 years of age; not measuring by height) – “Geeze Louise, kids … it’s not as if this were The Last Supper.”

And then there was the dinner at which my cousin tossed a dinner roll to me, straight across the table without lopping off any heads, as she bellowed.  “Head’s up, 110 calorie dinner roll headed your way.”  Funny, no?  Especially the calorie count.  People clapped!

Oh, and then there was the chocolate raspberry cake that mysteriously sat on the table, center stage, with patches of missing icing; like someone took their finger and ran it around the sides and then the top.  Imagine!!! Who would do such a thing?   Hey, don’t point a finger at me!!!  It wasn’t ‘ME!’  Maybe, it was my evil twin, but certainly NOT me!!!

It’s abundantly clear that my family is made up of a bunch of ill-mannered heathens, who are not candidates for the Emily Post Manner Award.  How about you?  How about your family?  Are you ‘proper’ folks? Or heathens like my brood? How does your family measure up?

Here is a fun ‘quiz.’
The Rules of Etiquette

One should …

* arrive at least 10 minutes early unless otherwise specified. (Whatever happened to fashionably late?)
* pass food from the left to right. (So if someone is on my left, should I pass it around the table?)
* pass both the salt and pepper together, even if only asked for one of them.
* place food item directly in front of the person asking for it, rather than handing it to them (hand-to-hand). (No tossing the roll across the table and saying ‘head’s up’)
* never even think to grab a roll out of the breadbasket as it’s being passed to someone else. (Are you kidding? I’d never get a piece. It’s every man for himself here.)
* serve food from the left; remove from the right.
* put the butter or spread on your plate before you spread it on your food. In other words, do not take butter and directly spread it on the bread.
* scoop the food away from you. (I do that with soup, but I didn’t know you’re supposed to do that with all food!)
* taste your food before seasoning it.
* never blow on your food to cool it. If it’s hot, you just wait for it to cool.
* keep elbows off the table. Keep your left hand in your lap unless you are using it.
* not talk with your mouth full. Chew with your mouth closed.
* cut only enough food for the next mouthful. Eat in small bites and slowly.
* not blow your nose at the dinner table. Excuse yourself to visit the restroom. (What if I have a cold? I might spend the evening in the restroom.)
* wash hands before returning to the dining room.
* cover your mouth if you cough with your napkin to stop the spread of germs and muffle the noise.
* not use a toothpick or apply makeup at the table. (Even we’re not so uncouth as to apply make up at the dinner table, especially the boys.)
* stand when a woman leaves the table or returns to sit (For the men). (As if!)

Happy Living Tip:  Enjoy your heathen family, however, ill-mannered!

How ill-mannered are you?
While you are evaluating your level your table manners, be sure to kick-start the New Year with a Kick in the Tush!   Join  Our Lady of Weight Loss’s Kick in the Tush Club.  Slim down while you laugh it up!!!

Spread the word … NOT the icing!


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