Based on commercials now airing in Superior, Wisconsin, a local jeweler is having a Second Coming Sale. Larry Falter thinks the End of Days is imminent, so he’s pledged to offer his jewelry for 50%…maybe until Jesus comes back.

“I believe we’re really close to that day,” he says in the ad. “Nonetheless, here and now, if you want jewelry I have access to millions.”

1. That’s a really understated “nonetheless,” right?

2. Yes, that’s totally what I would do if I thought life on Earth was drawing to a close: I’d buy a tasteful tennis bracelet for my wife, and maybe a pinky ring. You can’t take it with you, but you might as well look all sparkly and bejeweled for the Rapture.

Watch the ad below. Note how the charming introduction depicts explosions in an apocalyptic wasteland, then cuts right to Falter in his store.

Falter seems to be serious. “I’m talking with people about Jesus Christ and talking to people about jewelry,” he told the Minneapolis/St. Paul City Pages newspaper. “We’re finding that people are coming and doing a little of both.”

Probably. As in, “We’ll have to listen to this guy warn us about the apocalypse, honey, but if you can make it through the evangelism we’ll save big!”

Will the sale really last until Jesus comes back? We’ll see.

According to Harold Camping, Falter will only have to slash prices until May 21, 2011.

According to Jack van Impe and/or the ancient Mayans, the sale should be on until late 2012.

Or, if mankind’s history of End Times date-setting is any indicator, things will be 50% off at Falter’s store for a long, long, looooooong time.


[H/T: Travis Thompson]


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