We are intended to be in relationship with the ongoing movement of life. But when you look at life as though nothing will change, it won’t. The more you push away what you don’t want, the more you keep it in place. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xn8iQ8D8H_o&t=14s
Often, when we first set out on the path of self-study, we begin with unrealistic or just plain mistaken expectations about what it will do for us. The unconscious wish that fuels this early stage of self-study is simply to become a better “old” person, rather than to become a completely new person.
Perhaps we have visions of suddenly becoming capable of handling with ease any set of troublesome circumstances; or that our newly enlarged self-knowledge will enable us to control other people, or at least to no longer be bothered by what anyone does to us. We hope or believe that in this imagined self-mastery the universe will shower us with gifts such as money, relationships, and good fortune. Further, we may believe that these are the things we need to guarantee our future happiness. But can any of these exterior conditions deliver the inner contentment we want? No, they can’t. See the following fact and let it reveal the path to higher and higher levels of inner freedom: even when these desires are fulfilled, they do nothing to expand the restricted world of our self. To the contrary, these trappings only tighten the secret grasp of the thought-self that now is strengthened in its belief in its own power. If we do what we call spiritual work for these “self”-ish reasons, we simply remain in our tiny world, seeking the ends that that world calls valuable. The only way out of that world is through self-study, which begins with showing us that devoting our lives to the never-ending agenda of never-satisfied self-identities will never lead us to lasting happiness.
When people approach their self-study with wrong expectations, they can quickly become discouraged when those expectations are not fulfilled. They then claim that self-study does not provide anything valuable in return for all the effort it requires, because it does not bring them what their minds tell them it should. Wanting only to feel good about themselves, according to their own worn-out ideas of what that means, they never enter into the realm of real self-study at all. Sadly, without knowing it, they close the door on a world that could have rewarded them beyond anything they even knew to ask for, which brings us to a surprising paradox along the path of self-study.
The purpose of our inner investigation is not to feel pleased with ourselves — and certainly not to feel good about ourselves because of some new noble self-image as someone aiming to lead a better life. The true purpose of self-study is to invite something Good into our lives that then provides us with the unshakable goodness we were previously unable to give ourselves.
We can only benefit from self-study when we use it correctly for self-discovery — and not just as one more ineffective attempt at self-creation. True self-study is not an exercise in confirming what has been, but an opening of ourselves to what is and to the always-becoming unknown. We can use it to illuminate the tiny world our false natures have held us captive in, allowing our discoveries to throw open the door to the larger world within that is our birthright.