Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

via Morguefile

via Morguefile

I encounter many people who share that they’re scared to express how they feel to friends, family, work colleagues, etc. Some don’t know why they’re scared. Not knowing what the results might be can cause the greatest fear. Fear of the unknown can be your biggest power buster since the imagined outcome is often much worse than what will probably happen. When I push people to figure out why they hesitate to say what they want or give their opinion or tell someone what bothers them:

•    Some have always gone along with what others tell them and don’t want to alienate anyone.
•    Some think it’s more important to please people.
•    Some were taught that people like you more when you’re agreeable.
•    Some are afraid of hurting someone’s feelings.
•    Some insist it’s not important to have a say in what they do.

Most of those excuses are still tied to not knowing what will happen if they speak up. But an important part of leaving DoorMatville is recognizing that what you think matters.  It’s hard to value yourself if you can’t accept that. Ask yourself:

Who is the most important person for me to please?

You answer should be “Me!” If you want to remain in DoorMatville, name another person. But if you want to be happy, and own your life, get on the train out of DoorMatville with one word—ME. You owe it to yourself to be your own top priority since you won’t be anyone else’s. And that includes speaking up for you. Tell yourself:

•    It’s okay to have my own opinion, even if people disagree with me.
•    While I don’t have to always get my way, I’m entitled to let people know what I want.
•    If someone says or does something that bothers me, I’m allowed to say something so I don’t carry around anger or resentment. If I say it nicely, they shouldn’t mind.
•    I don’t need to please anyone in my life who gets angry because I say what I think.

Give yourself permission to express yourself! I had to do that when I decided I was tired of living in DoorMatville and suppressing my feelings and desires. Other people speak up, so why not you? Once you begin, you’ll get used to it. Love yourself enough to take the reins of communicating what you really feel. Then you begin to own your power over your life.

Join The Self-Love Movement™! Take the 31 Days of Self-Love Commitment“I commit to do my best to do something loving for myself, however big or small, for the next 31 days. and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at Read my 2014 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE. Join the Self-Love Movement™! on Facebook. Watch the video made with Hoobastank’s song–The reason–that illustrates the power of self-love.

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