Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for Thumbnail image for HowDoILoveMeCover.jpgI’ve never been a big Frank Sinatra fan but I do very much respect the talent he shared with the world. Many of his songs were classics. The one that stands out above the rest for me is “My Way.” From the first time I heard it as an adult I related to it. Even when I was a DoorMat and didn’t do things my way, I yearned to be able to sing the words as my truth some day. Even people who aren’t DoorMats still conform to the way that people expect them to be.

Often it’s assumed that you must do things the way everyone else does in order to fit in. That might give you a bit of security to be accepted, but THEIR way probably won’t make you happy.

Happiness is WAY better than acceptance. I’ve had both and know that doing what I want feels much better than what others want or expect. Even when I left DoorMatville, I still conformed to many standards. It was automatic. I didn’t think about it. I just followed others like a lemming as that seemed like the norm. While I was over being a DoorMat, I still assumed that what I was supposed to do. But I realized I was wrong. eventually, and learned to live on MY terms, in MY way, by MY values, and with MY own rules that are best for me.

To be able to say, “I Did It My Way” is true emotional freedom.

Now I annoy people sometimes when I do it my way. For example, I’m not a fancy scarf wearer but I got one as I gift from a friend in Japan and love it. My favorite colors! So I decided to wear it to an event. A friend saw me getting ready and said I needed to knot the scarf differently. It wasn’t the way it’s supposed to be worn. In the old days I’d have let her fix it for me. Instead, I just said, “Oh well, this is how I wear it.” She snarled a bit that I was wrong and I just smiled and left with my scarf in tact.

Your way may be wrong for others but it’s not wrong for you if it’s what you want.

Many people have question my lifestyle. I pretty much do what I want when it suits me. What’s wrong with that you may be thinking? I don’t have a day job or steady source of income. Yet I’ll plan trips and other things that cost money, knowing the money will be there when I need it. People say I’m lucky to be able to live as I do. It’s not luck. It’s strong faith that I’ll get what I need. But since most people can’t relate to that, they either envy me or think I’m crazy.

Living on your terms means you own your life! It also generates a lot more happiness than doing what’s expected of you.

I admit, for many years I got A LOT of slack from my family for my career choice. I’ve never had a real day job. When I operated my record label and then began my workshops and counseling, it was very untraditional for a woman. Why did I burn my teacher license renewal? Some family members couldn’t relate to my saying I wanted to do what made me happy. I was advised to renew my teaching license–tell them I lost the form. Reapply if necessary. Teaching was seen as an appropriate career for a woman., especially a single one.

But appropriate doesn’t mean happiness or satisfaction. I prefer to do it my way!

Doing it your way is a choice, sometimes a hard one if you have people dependent on you or your faith is weak. I dress as I choose, have a career that I carved out, live in an apartment I LOVE though I could pay a lot less rent elsewhere. It took years of building faith to get where I am. But years is better than never. When you take one small step forward in faith and do something your own way, even if you’re met with disapproval, it can lead to the next step.

YOUR way is most likely the way to happiness for you.

So you’re not out looking for someone to marry as people push you to do it, or taking the safer career path like most folks, or dressing like a clone of everyone around you. It’s okay as long as YOU like it. One thing I enjoy about doing things my way is that many people can’t figure me out or slot me into a category. One day I might be professionally dressed and the next I’m wearing funky clothing. It all depends on my mood and where I’m going. I have no specific style, though I like how I dress.

I can be flirty one minute and get into “don’t take advantage of me” mode right after if someone tries to play me. My different personas come out when needed. I’ve been called a chameleon of sorts as I change with the situation making it harder for people to second guess me. The most important aspect is to be true to yourself. Not your Mom or romantic partner or anyone else. YOU are responsible for your life and how you live it. There will be people who don’t like it. Oh well.

I’m happy and that’s what’s important. Your happiness should be your most important barometer of what your way should be. I know that years from now when I’m gone, it can be said of me, The record shows, I took the blows, and did it my way. When you live YOUR way, you’ll find your way to happiness on a higher level.

Take the self-love challenge and get my book, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE.

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