Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

Joy Pederson.jpegI’m delighted to have Dr. Joy S. Pedersen, CEO and Founder of Express Success, as my guest today. She’s a Licensed Spiritual Healer and Certified Spiritual Health Coach and Doctor of Divinity, who channels God, angels and others through automatic writing. Dr. Pedersen shares channeled messages regularly through She has a book coming out that she channeled from Archangel Michael, called Wisdom of the Guardian.

The Law of Attraction says that we get back what we give out. I’ve seen how relationships mirror something about me when I took the time to think about it. Dr. Pedersen explains how this works.

The Object of My Reflection: How Our Relationships Mirror Us
By Dr. Joy S. Pedersen

The easiest way to determine what is going on beneath the surface of our conscious awareness is by looking at the world around us. It reflects who we are and what we believe about ourselves.

So often when we have a challenge with a person we are in relationship with, we look at them. We blame them and complain about them. We try to change them. We discuss the problem and options with our friends and counselors. We look at everything outside of ourselves as the cause of the problem and rarely look at ourselves.

We are responsible for the results we are experiencing including the relationships we attract and the challenges they present.

If you are in a relationship with someone who is doing something unpleasant, the first person to look at is yourself. Within you is the key to the dilemma. The time we take to discuss our problems with others, can be better utilized by going within to finding what within us is being reflected in this person or situation. If it didn’t exist within us, it wouldn’t be showing up in our outer experience.

The key is to determine the cause and release it so it no longer hinders our existence. The sooner a lesson is learned, the sooner it doesn’t have to be repeated. Everyone shows up in our lives as an opportunity to show us who we are and what we believe.

Being judged by someone is a clue to me that I am judgmental in some regard. It may be that I judge others or it may be that I am particularly hard on myself. If I don’t want others to judge me, all I need is to release judgment from within myself.

If you have wonderful, loving and nurturing relationships that is evidence of qualities you possess. If on the other hand, your relationships are sometimes abusive, what lies within you that attracts and allows that behavior? The negative feelings you have about yourself are abusive to you and draw abuse to you. By addressing those, you find there will be less abuse drawn to you. By taking action and not allowing abuse to continue, you also make a difference because you are taking a stand for how you are treated.

If you do that, however, and something abusive occurs again, it is your clue that you haven’t released from within you all that is drawing abuse to you.

If you desire to attract the right mate and can’t seem to find the right one, it isn’t unusual to hear statements like “the good ones are all taken”, etc. These negative beliefs hinder your results as well because the negative beliefs we hold, hold us back. Your beliefs draw to you evidence that you are correct. If you have negative beliefs about yourself or your situations, the outer results will demonstrate you are correct.

If, however, we change those negative beliefs about us and our circumstances, we will empower ourselves and draw the results we desire. If we change our intellectual mind about something, affirm positive statements but have underlying negative beliefs that contradict those statements, it is the unconscious beliefs that will create the results. The simple way of determining whether or not there is something underlying in your subconscious that is blocking the desired results is to look at your results.

If life isn’t going your way, you are likely in the way.

It’s hard to grasp that we are possibly our biggest enemies in having the life we desire, but it is also enormously empowering to know you can change the outcome yourself. You need not rely on anyone or circumstances outside of yourself to make the difference in your life. If you work on you, you have the power to change your outer experiences.

By coming from a place of power, recognizing that you are responsible for the experiences you are having, and deciding to make a stand to change them, you will begin the process of your life turning in the direction you desire. By taking advantage of the clues that are presented within your experience, you will recognize what needs to be addressed and changed within yourself.

What is your biggest complaint or concern? What does it bring up inside of you? What are your beliefs about the situation, you, and the other people involved? This is where you start to determine the aspects within yourself that you need to work on to change your outer results. Because we are too close to ourselves to see for ourselves the parts of us that could use some improvement, the universe has their way of demonstrating it by having those areas reflected in our experience.

Others reflect back to us what we need to address within ourselves.

Even though we may take responsibility and accept the cause of the situation that may lie within us, we sometimes can’t see it for ourselves. Even with the ability to see past lives and a willingness to take full responsibility for my own experiences, I sometimes hire a colleague to help me see what is going on within me that I might be missing. There are many nuances contributing to the results we experience. Past lives are one possibility. We often carry forth our past lives into our present ones and play out similar circumstances that have occurred in the past.

While out dancing with a former boyfriend years ago, he criticized my dancing and gave me an ultimatum regarding dancing lessons. My desire to please him because of what he said was a clue there was something in my past to review. Upon doing so, I saw another life where I was a harem dancer and didn’t please my master and was beheaded. As it turned out, my reaction to my current boyfriend was more due to a fear that was a holdover from this past lifetime. I used a spiritual process to release the negative memory and issues around dancing no longer existed. In this case, however, the reaction I had was the key there was something within me that had to be addressed.

We have clues provided to us daily. It is our job to pay attention to them. If we are experiencing something unpleasant and want to change it, seize these clues, look within and begin the process of releasing those things from within us so our outer experience becomes more desirable.

Dr. Joy Pedersen helps her clients by way of telephone or Skype release the cause of their challenges today in the areas of relationship, money, business, career, health and well-being. For a free 5-week mini e-course on how to achieve more money, peace and balance, visit:

Take the 31 Days of Self-Love challenge and get my boo
k, How Do I Love Me? Let Me Count the Ways for free at And you can post your loving acts HERE to reinforce your intention to love yourself. Read my 31 Days of Self-Love Posts HERE

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