A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.” I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People don’t make […]
This is post 98 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series to see how.
When we’re DoorMats, our need to please everyone makes us tolerate almost all the bad behavior people throw at us. As we strive to feel empowered, our tolerance can go out the window. When anger makes you stop being on people pleaser autopilot, you may feel like you shouldn’t tolerate anything you don’t like.
Intolerance of other people’s flaws tells the Universe that you only seek perfection in your world, which is impossible.
If you wonder why you’re losing friends, that could be the reason. If you can’t tolerate the flaws of people you care about, why should they tolerate yours? I know how it feels to want to eliminate annoying behavior once you’ve woken up and decided to leave DoorMatville. After tolerating so much hurtful or annoying stuff for so long, I felt a need to take a stand on everything.
Then I remembered I didn’t want to go to extremes, as I said in my post Be the Cream in an Oreo.
So I learned to set reasonable boundaries on what was unacceptable–like putting me down, selfishly demanding more time than I wanted to give, being mean, trying to borrow money when they already owe me from before, or anything that hurts or makes me unhappy. Those are unacceptable. Really unacceptable! Buh-bye kind of stuff! If what someone does regularly creates serious negatives emotions in you, it must be stopped, no matter what excuse the person gives you.
Then there are things that are annoying but not meant to hurt you–habits you don’t like, idiosyncrasies, doing something differently than you do, etc.
These shouldn’t be deal breakers. Leaving clothing on the floor can be addressed if you speak nicely and let him know. You can explain to her that she keeps you on the phone too long and you want to keep calls shorter in the future. So he folds the laundry in a different way than you think is the right way or she cracks her knuckles or he refuses to ask directions yet always gets you lost or she always underestimates how much something will cost. Or any of the gazillion other annoying qualities someone might have.
Distinguish between unacceptable and annoying behaviors and be more tolerant of what annoys you.
Don’t expect perfection in others if you can’t be perfect yourself. Since perfection is impossible to achieve all the time, you’ll find yourself attracting frustration about why you can’t meet people who fit your new standards of doing everything the way you think life should be. Tolerance is a key to all good relationships, whether it’s with a romantic partner, friend, co-worker, parent, child, neighbor, etc.
Good relationships with the people in your life is one of the best sources of pleasure and good health. Butting heads often is the opposite.
Showing tolerance to others attracts a better ability to be accepting of your own flaws or annoying qualities. The more you accept others, the greater the chance that you’ll accept yourself. Tolerance attracts tolerance. Having it makes you a better person! Setting boundaries on what behavior you will and won’t accept–using a tolerant attitude–will attract more self-love and relaxed relationships. Not getting bent out of shape over every little annoying thing will attract more happiness.
See all the posts in my Law of Attraction in Action Series here.
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