A common thread among clients who come to me for self-empowerment counseling is “Why do people use me?” And they groan, “Why me?” And they whine, “I’ll never get what I want because of _____.” I tell them to fill in that blank with, “because I allow myself to be a victim.” People don’t make […]
This is post 43 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.
When I was a DoorMat, I was taught it was better to be modest than to tell people your accomplishments and other sources of what should be pride. Being liked was most important to me. I learned early that jealousy made some people like you less if you shared your victories. Feeling proud of accomplishments out loud seemed out of the question if I wanted to fit in.
People feel better about themselves when they’re with someone who seems to have less self worth than they do.
My poor self-image was reinforced by ignoring the good things I did. I was so busy playing myself down to be liked that low self-esteem remained my M. O., no matter how well I did at times. Back then I had no idea that I was telling the Law of Attraction that I wasn’t worth much.
Author unknown said, “Nothing you know is worth anything if you don’t know how to be proud of yourself.”
I was scared to be proud, thinking it would push people away. Now I know that we’re all entitled to take pleasure from what we do well and to share it. Minimizing things you should be proud of is kind of the opposite of gratitude. When you express what you’re grateful for, it attracts more things to be grateful for.
When you minimize what you should be grateful for, you also deny your blessings, which will attract fewer in the future.
“Nothing you know is worth anything if you don’t know how to be proud of yourself.” When you live for others, you don’t attract much joy for you. When you learn to own the good about you with pride, it can be like a magnet for more things to be proud of. You may not realize how much it affects in your life but the repercussions, positive or negative, can go a long way.
Growing up, I had an aunt who lived to brag about her kids. They could do no wrong. Her pride in them was over the top. She shared every last little accomplishment they had. Meanwhile my mom was also a people pleaser and didn’t share too much about my sister or I. When I asked why, she explained that she was very proud of us but preferred to leave the bragging to my aunt.
My aunt went to one extreme and my mom to the other. A middle ground is healthier!
Mom never expressing her pride in us to others reinforced my discomfort in expressing my own pride. And it hurt my self-esteem even more since I interpreted her lack of verbal pride as feeling less proud of me than my aunt felt about my cousins. It actually made me angry at times. We’d be sitting around a big family table, my aunt going down the list of all her kids accomplishments while my mom just smiled.
Parents don’t realize how not acting proud of their kids can lower their self-esteem.
Now I feel total pride in how I’ve turned my life around and all that came with that change. It feels fabulous! And, it attracts more things to be proud of! When I first told someone about something I was proud of, I did it apologetically. She asked why I did that and I said I wanted to be modest. She reassured that she was happy to know how well I was doing. That’s the kind of person to share with! People who don’t like it can stay out of my business!
There’s a fine line between being proud and bragging.
Bragging is sharing info about you to impress people, broadcasting your accomplishments to anyone who’ll listen, in a “look how great I am” manner. It’s often shared with people who don’t need to know your business. Name dropping is another form of bragging. Many people are turned off by it. Insecure people often brag to compensate for what they see as their shortcomings or something about themselves they don’t like.
Bragging is not just sharing; it’s showing off.
Pride is feeling satisfaction in what you do and sharing it when appropriate. You can feel pride without telling everyone, or even anyone. Sometimes I just look in the mirror and say, “Damn, I’m proud of you!” Then I might tell one or two people about it when we speak. Sometimes when something big happens, I’ll call or email many of my peeps. But it’s because I feel proud of something and it makes me happy, not to show off.
Pride is feeling good about something you did and wanting to share the good feelings you have about it.
When I first left DoorMatville and felt insecure, I relied on my accomplishments to give me confidence. I looked for ways to tell anyone I was with what I’d done and who I knew. I didn’t trust myself enough to expect people to think well of just me, glitches and all. I put people off with my incessant retelling of something I did or an accolade I received. As my self-esteem grew, I realized I didn’t want to do that anymore. I think I had to do it for a time to catch up for all the years of striving to be modest and never sharing anything. It was a relief to catch up and stop. ?
Modesty does NOT mean repressing pride in what you do! If people like you less for feeling proud of what you do and who you are, too bad for them! They’re probably jealous.
There are many unsatisfied people out there who hate hearing good things from others. Certain people liked me more, or at least were more comfortable with me when I was insecure. They could be the “big” ones, reassuring me and giving solace. It made them feel needed and probably better than me, which is an ego boost. But I no longer worry about pleasing those types who prefer me wimpy instead of proud. Even now, some people ask me what I do and react badly to my answer. When I give them even the short version, I can see them looking in disdain. I’ve even heard, “wow, you’re sure full of yourself!”
No I’m not! I’m proud of my accomplishments and am just telling the truth to the question asked. That’s not bragging.
It’s funny because I often dumb what I do down, since I have no need to brag. Often I’ll just say I’m a writer if it’s someone who doesn’t need to know more. My accomplishments are more for sharing pride with people I like and I’m more selective about who I give details to. But am I bragging when I say I’m a bestselling author? No! I’m just answering the question and feel proud of how far I’ve come! If people don’t like it they can take their jealous selves away from me!
Pride is another way of feeling grateful. Gratitude attracts more to be grateful for.
So own your accomplishments with pride. Don’t let people make you feel bad for feeling good about who you are or what you’ve done. I feel sorry for anyone who can’t handle hearing about someone else’s blessings. They obviously don’t have enough of their own. and their sneering just attracts even less.
What are you proud of? Go to the mirror and tell yourself how proud you
are! Then tell me in the comment section below. Let us all know what you’ve done to be proud! It’s welcome here! ?
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