Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

This is post 26 in my series on the Law of Attraction in Action. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day! Read the posts in this series to see how.

Saturday is Valentine’s Day, which I call V-Day. It’s a day when MANY women wait for love to be specially expressed and romance to abound. It’s also a day when many men get stressed or feel pressure to accommodate the expectations of their partners. And it’s also a day when many single women feel depressed, like they’re missing out on love. The expectations and longings on V-Day get blown up and create disproportionate expectations for one day of love.

Many emotions are stirred on February 14th each year! We give this one day so much importance.

I admit that I’m a hopeless romantic. I love sweet gestures and getting flowers and other surprises. But love isn’t about obligation. It also isn’t about forcing someone to express it with gifts. But that’s what happens on this day designated for love. I laugh when I see men lined up at delis buying flowers and in drug stores buying last minute candy and stuffed animals and any other things to impress their ladies.

This is all done as single chicks struggle to survive the day of love without a special man.

I used to get depressed on V-Day if I didn’t have someone to bring me flowers. I’d often get together with a friend to commiserate a lack of love. Every time we saw someone walk by with flowers we had an ouch moment. Actually, we’d torture ourselves. If I didn’t see the flowers, she’d point it out and vice versa. We’d moan about not having a guy and share how much we both wanted to be in a relationship. I found it funny that the days before and after I was fine about being single.

But February 14th brought out the needy in me as it does in many people.

We’re inundated with ads for romantic endeavors and gifts for a while before this targeted day for love. It can make even the strongest chick long for what we see or read about. Single men can feel the sadness too if they want to be in a relationship. I’d bet that there’s a lot of depression on V-Day when it’s supposed to be a day to honor love. Even people in relationships feel let down from the pressure to buy the right gift or do the right thing. And the disappointment when your partner doesn’t come up with the most romantic ways possible to express love.

BUT—LOVE ISN’T A ONCE A YEAR DEAL! Putting so much into the love you get, or don’t get, on February 14th demeans what love really is.

When I was a DoorMat I waited in expectation for the guy I was with to make me feel loved. But the roses I got didn’t change that I still felt lousy about me; even hated myself often. The roses or dinner or one night display of affection was like a small band aid on a HUGE wound. That wound was from not loving myself. Now that I’ve left DoorMatville, whether I’m with a guy or not, I celebrate myself on V-Day. Then I always get the love I want the most—from ME!

When you get depressed on Valentine’s Day, you tell the Law of Attraction you have a lack love, which results in continuing to feel unloved.

Pay attention to all the love around you, whether it’s romantic or a kind neighbor, family member or friend. Love comes in all kinds of packages, but it’s still love and should be appreciated all year long. It may not feel the same as a romantic partner on V-Day but can still be satisfying. I once was in London on V-Day. I used to go there regularly when I had my record label and I stayed in a bed and breakfast owned by a family I became friends with.

I was particularly friendly with Bernard, one of the brothers who owned it. He saw how down I was about having no love on V-Day. I saw people carrying flowers but none were for me. When I returned to my room later, there was a stuffed bear holding a bouquet of roses—“with love from your friend Bernard.” We weren’t romantically involved but it made a big impact on my heart. I kept that bear for many years as a reminder of how pure and delightful a loving gesture like that can be.

The biggest love that should be nurtured on V-Day is what you give to YOU!

Strong self-love makes it easier to navigate the emotions on February 14th and gives it a lot less importance than what the media hypes it to be. Loving yourself is not only valid love, but it’s the most critical and valuable kind. You can give it any time, any place, whether you’re single or in a relationship.

Being loving to yourself sends the message that you deserve love, and therefore you’ll attract more of it.

I learned this a few years ago when I broke up with someone just before the “big” day. He was very romantic and I’d looked forward to receiving roses and other goodies. But, he’d done something that I knew couldn’t be excused just for this reason. I began to get depressed when I went out and saw what seemed to be everyone carrying roses but me. My initial response was to feel unloved. But as I began to indulge in self-pity, I remembered:

The greatest gift to yourself is to love yourself. I made a vow that V-Day to honor that love!

I imagined the most perfect rose in my head. It was yellow, with rusty orange edges and I went on a mission to find it. I just wanted on perfect rose. I finally found it in a florist shop for 10 bucks. That’s right! I spend 10 bucks on ONE rose! I’m worth it! It gave me such pleasure to be able to make myself feel so good from buying that rose. I’ve been buying myself a bouquet of flowers every week for years, but this was the first time I’d bought a rose. Now I do it occasionally just because, even when it’s not V-Day!

The heck with waiting for a guy to do it! I love me and if I have a boyfriend, I’m loved even more, since I’m already loved without one. V-Day is now Self-Love Day to me!

Honor yourself on Saturday, whether you’re in a relationship or not. Do something special for you. Be loving and kind. There’s nothing like self-love for being consistent and always available. It’s not a substitute for the love of someone else. Even when I’m in love with a guy, I’m in love with myself too. Guys may come and go but I’m here to stay! This Saturday I’m planning a healthy day, since keeping myself fit and healthy is a super gift of self-love.

The more you show yourself love, the more the Law of Attraction responds with more love. Corny as it sounds, LOVE does make my world joyous. Money is nice. Possessions are nice. Flowers are nice. But LOVE is priceless! Indulge in self-love and allow the Law of Attraction to return it with more joy.

HAPPY SELF-LOVE DAY TO ALL OF YOU! ?

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series..

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