Beliefnet
Lessons from a Recovering Doormat

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This is post 21 in my series on the Law of Attraction, inspired by watching Louise Hay’s, You Can Heal Your Life the movie, expanded version. You CAN use your power to attract all that you need. I do it every day!

It’s a new year. A new beginning in some ways. One of the most common things I hear people resolve to get is LOVE. We all want love. I don’t care who you are or what you think you need. Love is something that’s important for developing happiness. Yet like happiness, LOVE is elusive to many people.

People pleasers please and please in order to be liked, as they also hope to be loved.

When I was a DoorMat, I wanted love so badly that buying it with favors seemed worth the price to a completely insecure chick. So I pleased and pleased and pleased by doing favors, buying gifts, treating to meals and other things. That kept people around me, but I knew deep down why they were there. Since I didn’t like myself, I assumed that’s all I deserved, and settled for buying company. I tried not to think about how people probably liked what I did for them, not me as a person.

The Law of Attraction picked up on what I did and I attracted more people who would be my friend for the perks I gave—users, insincere people, etc.

My quest for love attracted the opposite. It was confusing. While I wanted love from friends, I desperately wanted to be loved by a man. My DoorMat tendencies were especially strong when I was with one. If I dated someone who didn’t treat me well, I made excuses and hung in there. Then I’d wonder why noone ever really loved me. It never occurred to me that I attracted a lack of love. Many of us do that. It’s hard to attract real LOVE if you:

* Don’t love yourself: In my post on Friday, How I Gave Myself Love Today, I discussed how to be more loving to yourself in order to nurture more self-love. If you don’t act loving to YOU, it sends a message to the Universe that you refuse love and it shouldn’t come your way. So it doesn’t!

* Don’t feel worthy of love: If your thoughts and actions reflect that you don’t feel you deserve to be loved, the Law of Attraction responds with keeping love from you. You’ll attract those who don’t love you, since that’s what you put out as what you deserve.

* Put your needs behind those of everyone else: If you cancel your own plans or inconvenience yourself to please someone else, you’ll keep attracting those situations. Treating yourself as a someone who doesn’t need to get his or her needs met will keep you from getting your needs met! Again, the Law of Attraction responds to your thoughts and actions. Treating others a lot more lovingly than you do yourself tells the Universe you don’t value your own needs and sets you up to NOT get the love you say you want.

* Indulge in self-trash talk: You say you want love but talk to yourself harshly. How on earth can you attract love by doing that??! I called myself names if I wasn’t perfect and had nasty thoughts about how I looked and who I was back in DoorMatville. Yet I craved love from friends, and to be loved by a guy. But just wanting something doesn’t attract it! My actions and thoughts about me attracted unloving people. I wondered in misery why I didn’t find love.

* Have trouble receiving: Many of us have trouble receiving goodies. When someone actually offered to do me a favor, or help me with something, or gave me a gift, I’d often try to turn it down. DoorMats give to the point of crazy but have a hard time receiving even a little. If you tell people they don’t have to help you or they shouldn’t have gotten you something nice, you’re also denying love.

* Negate compliments: In my DoorMat days, compliments were met with armor. I deflected them automatically. If someone said I looked thinner, I made excuses for it, like it was just the outfit, even if I knew I’d lost weight. Denying nice things about you sends out the message that you don’t want to be treated in nice ways.

Since LOVE is especially nice, the Universe withholds it as per your instructions.

You’ve heard it before—probably a gazillion times—but here’s one more. If you don’t give yourself love, why on earth should anyone else give it to you? When you act unworthy of love, why would someone be attracted to love you?

Pay attention to how you treat yourself. Do you act like you deserve to be loved? You may want love and need love and crave love and pray for love. But if you don’t treat yourself lovingly, that’s what the Law of Attraction will pick up on first and bring it right back at ya with more people who don’t love you for you!

SHOW the Universe that you should attract love by being loving to YOU. Consciously do loving things for yourself as I discuss in How I Gave Myself Love Today. As you give yourself more love, you’ll enjoy the nurturing things you do for yourself. That makes you feel better and puts the focus more on your well-being. The more you self-nurture, the more loving feelings develop and the better the message you send for the Law of Attraction to respond to.

If you want to have loving friends and a loving romantic partner, give yourself love first. Be a loving person to all but include YOU in that equation. Then let the Law of Attraction do its magic by responding to the love you send inward.

Go to a mirror RIGHT NOW and say, “I Love You!” Even if you don’t feel it yet, practice makes perfect!

Showing myself love reinforced my falling in love with me. It took time, deliciously loving time. But as you get more comfy about being loving to you, you WILL eventually fall in love with yourself. Then let the LOVE begin to come into your life from all directions as the Law of Attraction responds in kind. Now this former DoorMat truly loves herself. I never thought I’d even like me, but now I feel a warm and fuzzy and delightful love toward me, cellulite and all! ?

I LOVE ME! You can feel that way about yourself too! Give it a try!

See all the Law of Attraction in Action Series.

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