Jesus Creed

Here’s the problem with the World Cup. The problem is that they are playing soccer. And a good case in point were the games on Monday. 180 minutes of play, with another 10 or so for stoppage time, and then two overtimes, and then penalty kicks/free kicks. In that amount of time, and let’s estimate it was 220 minutes, exactly one goal was scored by an offensive player kicking the ball by the goaleegoalkeeper. That, I say, is a problem. Let me say it clearer: it is a disaster.
So, here’s the suggestions to FIFA by one who thinks sports ought to be fun and full of scoring — like a baseball game or a football game or a basketball game.
1. Allow players to be off-sides: more goals, probably lots more.
2. No intentional kicking of the ball out of bounds: keep the ball in play.
3. Overtime should be sudden death: first team to score a goal wins.
4. Players who “ham it up” everytime someone gets near them so they appear hurt should sit in some dunce box for the next game. The histrionics are unmanly.
5. Games should not end with free kicks (or whatever they are called). It would be like ending basketball with free throws, or a baseball game with pitchers throwing strikes to a catcher with no batter.
We’ve noticed something here: you can watch a game awhile, go run an errand or two and come back in an hour or so, and the game is still the same. My brother-in-law says he likes soccer because he can take a nap, wake up, and still see the whole game.
Now the only reason I watched these games was because Luke was here and he loves to watch soccer, even though he never played it as a kid. A certain Jay Baehr, a friend of his at his church in Jamestown, NY, has introduced Luke to the game, and now he plays during the off season.

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