A former colleague of mine, whose name shall go unmentioned here, was notorious for off-the-wall comments in class. (Suggested names will be permitted, and if enough get it right I’ll disclose the person’s name). One student of his decided to begin recording them. She gave them to me, and I’ll give you some of them here.

“Who’s been to Broadway where all the sin is?”
“You have to read this on your knees before God.”

“There’s only one book in this class and it is not the Bible.”
“Has anyone forgotten that I’m the teacher?”
“I don’t really cry, because I’m the macho man.”
“The question is, Should good Christian women dress like Brittany Spears? I don’t want to see any belly buttons in this class.”
“Any teacher worth his salt should be crucified.”
“I should give more As, then God would reward me.”
“Will someone please call me Mr. North Park please?”
“I want to use university words, so you can go back and use them and inflict them on your parents.”
“Let’s talk about how ignorant we are.”
“I like the way I said that! I’m in love with that.”
“What am I now talking about?”
“The first time I ever tasted Snapple was like tasting pleasure for the first time.”
“Can you imagine anyone more intoxicated than me? I’m intoxicated with truth.”
“I’m in love with my ideas.”
“Will you crucify me if I call you adolescents?”
“Every time you think bad of me as a teacher you get black marks on your soul.”
“I can identify with that … I can’t tear myself away from the mirror, that marvelous vision.”
“You usually don’t learn things in my class.”
“Heaven will be like the greatest Frat party you’ve ever been to.”

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