Paul J. Mills, Tiffany Barsotti, Meredith A. Pung, Kathleen L. Wilson, Laura Redwine, and Deepak Chopra Gratitude, along with love, compassion, empathy, joy, forgiveness, and self-knowledge, is a vital attribute of our wellbeing. While there are many definitions of gratitude, at its foundation, gratitude is a healing, life-affirming, and uplifting human experience that shifts us […]
By Deepak Chopra, Jim Buck and Rinde Pasori
Recently, a story appeared in Huffington Post about a 16 year old Turkish girl who was buried alive by her father and grandfather for having talked to boys. The West rightly finds this a horrific practice. However, many in the West also misunderstand and conveniently condemn honor killing as a practice of Islam. The mistake with this condemnation is that Islam does not permit or condone honor killing. However, it is precisely this misunderstanding and ignorance that allows many in the West to participate in a climate of hate, mistrust and even the idea of war against all of Islam.
Fueling the charge of “crazy” in the cases of honor killing is the concept of honor. What is honor? Traditionally, honor in this context means one’s reputation or good name. The concept of honor may come from the need to be perceived as perfect in the eyes of one’s community because if one’s community sees a person as flawless, then perhaps so will God and they will easily enter Heaven. Since God is such a far away concept, the instant gratification of the approval of one’s neighbors or one’s community of a father and his family’s lifestyle and their adherence to Islam’s rules becomes more immediate and in many cases is used as an indication of one’s perfection in the eyes of God. However, it should be noted this is a centuries-old cultural practice with, in some cases, only the slightest connection to Islam. In many cases, honor is connected to the sexual purity of one’s daughter or female family member, which is too big a topic to be examined here.
The rule “They hate us and probably always will” also applies here. As I, Deepak wrote: “This rule is sheer projection, imagining how someone else feels because it serves how you want them to feel, or need them to feel. It is much easier on the conscience to hurt someone who hates you.”
But another part of what is written about that rule applies to honor killing overall: “Feelings and emotions don’t change the immorality of violence. It’s true that in some countries an accused killer can be let off on the basis that he committed a crime of passion, but in those cases the hatred wasn’t in the victim, but in the criminal.” But in the “crimes of passion” that are honor killings, hatred seems not to be in the mind of the killer. In fact, a lack of passion or hatred seems to be present.
In Rana Husseini’s Murder in the Name of Honor, Ms. Husseini describes an interview in a Jordanian jail she had with a young man named Sarhan who in 1999 shot his sister Yasmin because she was no longer a virgin after she had been raped by a brother-in-law.
In the interview, Sarhan explained, “‘I killed her because she was no longer a virgin,’ he told me. ‘She made a mistake, willingly or not. It is better that one person dies than the whole family of shame and disgrace. It is like a box of apples. If you have one rotten apple would you keep it or get rid of it? I just got rid of it.’ When I challenged Sarhan by pointing out that his act contradicted the teachings of Islam and was punishable by God, he said, ‘I know that killing my sister is against Islam and it angered God, but I had to do what I had to do and I will answer to God when the time comes.” He added, “I know my sister was killed unjustly but what can I do? This is how society thinks. Nobody really wants to kill his own sister.”
Their abuse was not dictated by religion since my brothers were not really religious, nor did it come from love to “help me be a better person”. However, I got off easy, because there were occasions where women would suddenly be missing. These women would vanish without a trace. It would be reported by a family in my village that “my daughter has committed suicide”. It was obvious that they were killed by a family member, but no one would dare say anything. Being Kurdish, the customs of our culture even before Islam’s arrival are more cemented than even the religion itself in the name of deeply rooted rituals and beliefs. Besides, most people never really study the Quran and have a very limited, distorted view of their own religion. Thus, they act on cultural impulse as Sarhan so aptly described it.
“It’s based on ignorance and a lack of respect for women .It has no place in any civilized society. Like all other religions Islam prohibits murder and killing of innocents. Honor killing should be wiped off the face of the planet through education and empowerment of Muslim women’s rights by focusing on the true interpretation of the Quran.”
Samina’s husband and SSGWI co-chair Salman Ahmad adds that “with education and cross cultural communication we should wipe it off the face of the planet. True Islam gives rights to women which have to be illuminated by Muslim majority governments and civil society and the media.”
What should be understood by all is there are as many scenarios under the heading “honor killing” in the East as there are scenarios under the heading of “domestic violence” in the West.
Kecia Ali, assistant professor of religion at Boston University and author of Sexual Ethics & Islam, believes that any discussion of honor killing should also include an awareness of other issues women all around the world are facing, “Which kinds of violence against women are we willing to see and make a big deal about and be horrified over? And which aren’t we? What about women in Brownsville who keep disappearing and being murdered? What about little African-American girls who are kidnapped who don’t get the kind of attention given to Jean-Benet Ramsey? What about the women in Congo being raped? What about people who are dying of routine kinds of things but nonetheless, horrifying, for being routine. As long as we make this about us and them, and as long as we make this about primitive patriarchy, and conflict with an enlightened West, we miss bigger kinds of connections.”
Astronomers tell us that when galaxies collide, the gravitational forces will be so intense they will rip planets and solar systems apart in a cataclysm that we on earth simply cannot imagine because it is on a galactic level. But on a human level, right now, right here on earth, two galaxies are colliding. Between the Muslim world of the East, and the West, there are forces are at work that are destined to reshape both cultures and religions before the end of the 21st century.
All conflict is an opportunity to bring peace and understanding rather war and hatred. In a generation or two, our children may have worked out many of the smaller differences between East and West to help begin the process of bringing about a lasting peace and understanding. As our friend Salman Ahmad said at a recent book signing when asked what the West could do to help bring peace and understanding with the Muslim world: “become involved and have respect. ”
Jim Buck is a writer living in Los Angeles. He is currently writing a book on the origins and history of honor killing.
Rinde Pasori is a writer living in Paris. Their most recent collaboration is “Asiya”, a screenplay which tells the story of a young Kurdish woman and how she comes to that horrible fate for which they are presently seeking producers and representation.
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