The Oscars are always an emotional event for those involved. It is far from unusual for acceptance speeches to contain a few tears, and there are undoubtedly a few emotional shows of deep disappointment hidden away from the paparazzi’s cameras. As such, Selma Blair’s misty eyes on the red carpet at first do not seem like anything particularly special. That changes, however, when you realize why the actress was crying.

In October 2018, Blair announced that she had been diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. Multiple sclerosis, also known as MS, is a neurological disorder that disrupts the flow of information within the central nervous system making it difficult for information to travel both within the brain and between the brain and body. The disease is known for being unpredictable, and there is no true cure. Instead, the often debilitating symptoms must simply be managed throughout the rest of the person’s life. The disease is normally diagnosed in people between the ages of 20 and 50 and occurs in three times more women than men. Even though over 2.3 million people have the disease, what causes the disease remains mysterious.

MS varies wildly between sufferers, but the most common symptoms are “overwhelming fatigue, visual disturbances, altered sensation and difficulties with mobility.” Selma Blair can attest to many of those personally.

“Going out, being sociable holds a heavy price,” she said. “My brain is on fire. I am freezing. We feel alone with it even though the loving support has been a godsend and appreciated…People write me asking how I do it. I do my best, but I choke with the pain of what I have lost and what I dare hope for and how challenging it is to walk around… I can’t sleep at night but daytime I have trouble staying awake.”

Blair’s struggles, however, did not stop her from walking down the red carpet with a custom cane and her manager Troy Nankin in her first public appearance since her diagnosis.

“I have become a different woman in the last few years, through struggles and the intense pride of motherhood,” Blair wrote. “I wanted to be at this red carpet to remember my first time attending with a not yet famous friend, Jake Gyllenhaal. I believed in him and his career and wanted him there. And this dinner always symbolizes so much. And I kept going because it was always a night in Hollywood that was full of Hollywood dreams with all the talent present in their glory.”

“There are moments that define us. This is one of those indelibly watermarked in my heart…So this was a streak of light. To say I am here. I am still in an exacerbation so there was some nervousness. I don’t do anything the way I was once able. I will though. I can regain much,” Blair wrote. “I hoped my brain could send signals for the remainder of my time there. And I sobbed.”

When asked about how she was doing, Blair said that she did her best to get through each day, but that her “smiles are genuine. This is ok.”

Hopefully, those smiles will continue to be genuine, and Blair will have many reasons to wear them going forward.