Idol Chatter

Since the invention of blog technology–which made instant publishing accessible to the masses–we have taken for granted the immediacy of the form. For people who grapple with issues of faith, our instant access to the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of others begs a question: what would Jesus–not to mention L. Ron Hubbard–blog?

Now, thanks to writer Paul Davidson’s new book, The Lost Blogs: From Jesus to Jim Morrison,” we have some of the answers. Davidson gives us the access we’ve been waiting for, escorting us into the blogpages of famous historical figures, including several prominent religious leaders.

In Davidson’s world, Jesus runs a Carpentry Blog, in which he provides hints about creating a “water or wine rack,” the perfect place to “store both satisfying thirst quenchers in one place and never find yourself deficient of either…” “The Lost Blogs” also grants us access to Moses’s personal account of the parting of the Red Sea, in which he urges readers to “check out Pharaoh’s blog, which will, I’m quite sure, contain some fairly amusing observations about yesterday’s incident involving me and the chosen people of Israel.” In another post, Brigham Young bemoans his impossible task of shopping for Mothers’ Day (apostrophe after the ‘s’ is intentional–he’s a polygamist, get it?).

There are also entries from a house-harried Muhammad (“These freakin’ kids are driving me crazy”) and science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard notes an amusing conversation with a friend: “We talked about how hilarious it might have been had people modeled a religion… based on the theme of strange alien creatures that must be eradicated or else humans would suffer! A religion based on getting rid of aliens! Hah!”

On Davidson’s site,, you are informed that you have reached the homepage of WOMP, the World Organization for Manuscript Preservation. WOMP positions “The Lost Blogs” as the book that will “finally put to rest the debate over whether or not well-known historical icons actually did take advantage of ancient blogging technologies.”

For those interested in acquiring fake historical memorabilia, the WOMP store also “sells” items like the “John Wilkes Booth Authentic Theatre Head Shot,” “William Shakespeare’s Lost Transcripts Of His Unreleased Play, ‘Duke, Where’s My Carriage!?,’ and a series of selected photos from “Helen Keller’s photoblog.” Initial investigation indicates that the aforementioned items have not been carbon-dated to determine authenticity, because that would take all the fun out of it.

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