I’m contributing pieces on Family Today and Medium. Follow me below. #WomanResurrected On Medium @ColleenOrme Follow me on Instagram @colleenorme Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist #WomanResurrected E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
There’s nothing better than the rush which accompanies a brand new love affair.
Except perhaps the effortless contentment which follows.
However, sometimes we allow our relationships to shift from relaxed to lazy.
When we should remain conscious of each other.
Love needs to be a priority.
Just because a partnership becomes comfortable does not mean we can treat an individual any way we like.
5 Relationship No No’s
Sometimes we make those closest to us our lowest priority.
But we shouldn’t.
If you receive a phone call or text from your significant other don’t leave them hanging.
We aren’t too busy to acknowledge the work or personal calls we want to take. Therefore, it should be the exception and not the rule that we temporarily ignore the one we love. Because we are ‘too busy’ to respond.
It’s common courtesy and a matter of respect.
Think of it this way.
In our lives, we have a few emotional first responders. The individuals we immediately contact in times of joy, sorrow, or need. The people who will always be available to us. Thus, you should always be available for the one you love and your family.
Taking Out Your Mood
It’s not okay to take your mood out on anyone.
Not even your significant other.
It’s important to self-evaluate and ask yourself this question. Do you take out your mood on anyone? Because your stressed, not a morning person, hungry, worried, sad, etc. If you do it’s time to grow up and use your words. If you’re tired or stressed with work communicate that.
Do not routinely bark at the one you love, be impatient, walk into a room angrily, or make sure your body language conveys your frustrations.
It’s arrogance to believe another individual deserves to be at the receiving end of your mood.
Does everyone do it from time to time?
Absolutely it’s the human condition. We act out. But it should be the exception not the rule.
We all feel tired, stressed, worried, and sad. We all have days where there’s not enough time. We all have pressures that get the best of us. Some of us feel grumpy in the morning. Some of us are irritable until we eat. Some of us need to decompress as soon as we come home from work.
We all have moods and we all have individual quirks.
But adults should use their words and apologize when we do behave badly.
Make Someone Your Lowest Priority
Don’t make the one you love your housemate.
You don’t just live with them you love them.
Be conscious of what’s going on in their world. Take the time to talk to them and ask about their day. What is making them happy, motivated, concerned, etc.? Not everyone is going to remember to do this daily. Because couples get into routines. They come and they go with individual priorities as well as joint.
So take the time to ensure these conversations happen.
By developing rituals or making plans with just the two of you. Maybe it’s morning coffee, dinner, or an evening walk. Maybe it’s date night. Put something in place to make sure you connect and make one another a priority.
This not only makes someone feel loved, but it also keeps love alive.
Dismiss and Disregard
Nothing makes a person feel less important than being dismissed or disregarded.
If your spouse is talking either listen or ask if you can have the conversation later.
Brushing off a person’s feelings doesn’t feel good either. Don’t tell your significant other what should or shouldn’t be important to them. Don’t tell them they are silly for feeling a certain way. Don’t tell them something is ridiculous.
These are disrespectful manners of communicating.
Respectful communication is saying I don’t feel the same way you do but I understand those are your feelings. It is validating and empathetic. It is not dismissive.
Most people do not learn good communication skills which make conversations more difficult within relationships.
So think of it this way. Would you speak to a friend, co-worker, or another individual this way? Probably not.
Sadly, pretty much everyone is capable of fighting dirty when the relationship stakes get high. Again, we are human.
It would take plenty of improved communication skills and respect to avoid it entirely.
And while tens of thousands of dollars are spent on weddings, none is spent on the type of relationship counseling which would improve our odds of fighting fair.
The truth is, the more we don’t address conflict, the more it builds and the greater the resentments become. In turn, the uglier the arguments become.
But day to day this should be off the table.
If arguments are escalating to name-calling, yelling, and profanity, chances are you have stayed in a relationship that has been unhappy and unhealthy for too long.
No relationship is perfect nor should that be the expectation.
But holding love accountable should be.
And this, in turn, means holding ourselves accountable for our own behavior.
In the words of Maya Angelou, “If you have only one smile in you, give it to the people you love. Don’t be surly at home, then go out in the street and start grinning “Good morning” at total strangers.”
I’m contributing pieces on Family Today and Medium. Follow me below. #WomanResurrected