As parents, we spend a fair amount of time agonizing over our mistakes. Certainly, we would have done many things differently. If only we hadn’t been grown children ourselves when we made our relationship choices and eventually married. Most of us had no idea our marriages would end. If we had, we wouldn’t have walked […]
People are human and therefore will talk about one another.
It’s a matter of just how often and who and what you are talking about.
In other words, it should lean towards the exception and not the rule.
Perfection in this department may not be one hundred percent attainable.
There will always be moments of high pressure and frustration or major events in life such as moving, weddings, babies, and new jobs. These will bring out the best and the worst in every individual.
However, talking about people, in general, is not a good behavior.
Of course, we know and understand this – we just lack the awareness for why we do it.
5 Reasons People Talk About One Another
You’ve stayed in a bad situation too long, be it a friendship, a relationship or a professional environment.
And this can mushroom outside of itself in many ways.
At first, it’s complaining about the spouse, in-law or boss who is not treating you well. but the angst spreads because you continue to remain in a frustrating environment.
This is probably one of the easiest ways to stop talking about others.
However, it often means you must bring about some type of change in yourself or your environment which is never easy.
What external adjustments might your life need? Do you need marital counseling? Do you need to find a new job? Do you need to change departments within your current job? Do you need to leave a marriage or relationship? Do you need to see less of a friend? Or perhaps not see them at all?
What internal adjustments might you need? Do you need to ignore or not engage an in-law who mistreats you? Do you need to increase your boundaries in your personal or professional relationships? Do you need to self-protect in your marriage? These types of personal changes can be much harder. They may require the help of a spouse who asks their families to be more respectful of privacy and boundaries or a good counselor to give you ideas to handle certain situations.
Control works one of two ways.
It’s either one individual who is controlling or one individual who is being controlled.
Both can bring about unwanted chatter.
A controlling individual generally believes there’s one way the world should be viewed and lived.
Therefore, if others do not conform or follow their beliefs they will talk about it because nothing exacerbates a controller more than NOT being able to control.
Further, these types of individuals tend to possess ego which prevents them from viewing others for their true selves and instead they project onto others. This also leads to talking about others because of their internal frustration – everyone is not like them which makes them talk about and judge others.
Likewise, a person who is controlled may manage it fairly well for a certain number of years but ultimately may find the control unbearable and begin to talk about those who they allow to control them.
Unfortunately, both of these situations are difficult to change.
It’s extremely difficult for a controller to stop their behavior and likewise one who has grown accustomed to being controlled.
But it can improve with insight and counseling.
The Inability to Resolve Conflict
Good communication is often a learned skill.
Few grow up in homes with the type of respect and truly great communication it takes to have better relationships.
However, taking the time to learn how to listen to and actually hear others can bring incredible peace to your life not to mention lower any need to talk about one you love.
Because often the inability to resolve conflict with one person prompts a person to feel the need to be heard by another individual.
Surely, they will understand your point of view.
Yet, if the conflict is resolved either immediately or in a timely manner there’s absolutely no need to vent your frustration elsewhere.
This is both easy and hard to eliminate.
It’s easy because there is a proven solution. Learning great respect and communication. It’s difficult because books are just a baby step to this because most people can’t see all of their own communicating deficiencies. Even the most reflective individuals. A good counselor is really the road to the proper education.
But it will be the gift which keeps giving in your life not to mention lower your need to talk about others. One because once you learn it you can use it in all aspects of your life and it increases awareness of disrespectful situations you no longer want to put yourself in.
You don’t have to suffer from lifelong self-esteem issues to experience mere ‘moments’ of low self-esteem.
Yet, there are still others who do struggle with true self-esteem issues.
Either way, this is surely a cause of talking about others.
And the reason not complicated.
If you don’t feel good about yourself it’s difficult to feel good about others.
But the solution is complicated for those with real rather than temporary esteem problems.
You’re just not happy and you’ve been unhappy for so long you’re not sure how you got to this place.
Or sadly, something has transpired in your life which you never properly processed and the unhappiness carries forward.
Therefore, it’s just easier to talk about others and in some ways, it feels like an outlet.
It takes three things to improve this situation.
Awareness, counseling, and support.
Unhappiness is easy to fight and it often makes it last longer. But unhappiness is an expected part of life.
It is temporary when dealt with.
We are human and full of emotion and therefore, we will talk about others.
But we can minimize it will self-awareness.
Most of us don’t really want to talk about anyone else in other than a good manner.
We just get bogged down by life at times and don’t always realize we are talking about someone else not because they truly bother us but because we have failed to make some type of change in our own personal lives.
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