The truth? 

We all have baggage.

It’s inevitable.

That’s part of the beauty of relationships. We find refuge in another imperfect person and our joint baggage just works well together. The emotional yin to our yang.

But some baggage should never be claimed.

The stakes of relationship success are already high enough.

They do not need any additional factors to way them down.

How do you know if you picked the wrong guy?

There are actually many ways to determine you deserve another significant other; however, these are the most blinding:

1. Your family and friends don’t like him:

Seems crazy that a person would disregard the general consensus of those they love but it happens.

They convince themselves if only everyone knew them like they did, surely they would love them. Or they make excuses that their guy is going through a bad time and hence, the lack of appeal.

If you do not know how you deserve to be treated trust that a majority vote of family and friends mean they do.

2. You keep secrets about how he actually treats you:

He continually disappoints you, makes you cry, doesn’t make you a priority or other unpleasant and hurtful behavior.

It’s easy to believe keeping their dirty little secrets are being loyal. After all, you don’t want everyone in your world to hate them because you love them.

Make no mistake, if you are keeping repeatedly bad behavior from your family and friends you are not being loyal.

You are harboring a relationship fugitive – turn him in.

3. You ignored early signs:

You let love force you to look beyond the obvious.

In the early days of dating, he had a wandering eye for every girl who walked in the bar, repeatedly drank too much, lied or more.

But you think you are special or you can change him.

An initial bad diagnosis means this relationship could be terminal.

4. He doesn’t truly meet your needs:

He just doesn’t fill all your emotional boxes.

You know he loves you and is attracted to you but you don’t seem to share much except for a few cocktails and laughs.

Emotional intimacy is crucial. He should care about what is going on in your world and your family and your job. He should have the time to take a phone call when something worries, upsets you or makes you happy. And likewise, he should share all of his deepest, darkest and delightful secrets of his world with you.

Steer clear of the party boy because relationships are a perpetual emotional all-nighter.

5. Something is off:

Something is off but you just can’t put your finger on it.

They say women who have been mugged or attacked often know moments before that something did not seem right but they ignored their instincts and kept walking through a dark parking garage instead of turning back.

The same is true in relationships.

We have gut instincts and therefore, don’t necessarily need overt signs or acts to realize this is not the right guy.

Don’t ignore your own internal superhero attempting to rescue you.

 

The beginning of a relationship is the optimum time to make a clean break.

If it is not a good one that is.

If not, the need for emotional triage just intensifies.

And the wounds have time to dig deeper.

Follow me on Facebook @Colleen Orme National Columnist

(Photo courtesy of Pexels)

on Twitter @colleenorme
on Pinterest @colleensheehyorme
E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com
www.colleensheehyorme.com