A friend from high school reached out to me. She wanted to let me know that one of my columns so resonated with her that she shared it on Facebook.

Having grown up together in Washington, D.C. I assumed it was the portion of the column where I spoke of getting involved and a larger sense of the world.


Instead, she told me it was ‘you need to listen when a strong woman humbles herself enough to ask for help.’

It means she really NEEDS help.

It made me reflect on my overall wish to elevate the awareness of the misunderstood pain of divorce…

AND to flip the perception of divorce.

So many upon hearing of an impending divorce respond with a –

“Oh, I am so sorry.”

“I feel bad for you.”

This adds to the sadness and victimization feel of divorce.

Relationships end and these ended in all of our lives long before we retained attorneys.

Is it that much better to stay in unhappy relationships? In half-assed relationships? In relationships that involve affairs? Abuse? Addiction?

My friend is strong. I am strong and so are the many men and women I speak to who made the difficult decision to choose an unwelcome path.

I used to feel bad about myself for feeling different. For not being a part of the married community any longer.

Now I am so glad I am different.

I was brave enough to leave and a second time I was brave enough to absolutely humble myself and ask for help.

I used to feel bad when people said they felt bad for me. 

Divorce how ugly? Who wouldn’t feel sad for me?

I could sense their pity – even the ones I clearly knew had compromised themselves to stay a part of the couple community.

The more I regain myself and my strength – the more my perception clears. 

I am not different because I am not married – no longer a part of two – a couple.

I am strong because I got out of a bad situation.

Now rather than feel bad for me when someone makes divorce a seemingly horrifying enigma – I feel bad for them because they aren’t living in a big enough perception of the world to say…

Wow, you have guts.


(The column my friend referenced)


(Photo courtesy of Pexels)

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E-mail: Colleen.Sheehy.Orme@gmail.com

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