As parents, we spend a fair amount of time agonizing over our mistakes. Certainly, we would have done many things differently. If only we hadn’t been grown children ourselves when we made our relationship choices and eventually married. Most of us had no idea our marriages would end. If we had, we wouldn’t have walked […]
One of the most troubling aspects of being involved with a narcissist is their lack of traditional or so-called normal reactions to life.
Thus, those who have been in a relationship a with a narcissist often describe a sense of non-reality or feeling crazy when interacting with them. This stems from the fact narcissists tend to live in their own perception of reality since they lack empathy. Therefore, their partner’s version of reality (true reality) does not exist to them.
Narcissists live in an amped up version of a world of simply ‘one.’
It is their world and no one else matters.
Therefore, their reactions or lack of reaction to typical emotional and societal norms can appear bizarre. It is even more confusing to an individual involved with a narcissist because at other times the narcissist can appear to actually ‘care.’
Do not mistake that for true ‘caring.’ The moments when a narcissist seemingly ‘cares’ is because they are relating to their own life in some way, shape or manner. Or you are simply fitting into their life and the contentment they have will somehow imply they are capable of true emotion for others.
5 things that mean nothing to a narcissist:
1. Tears: A narcissist can watch someone they love cry as if they are watching a comedy. Though crying can be considered a submissive act of a person in pain, a narcissist can watch without blinking an eye. It will not move them, they will not feel bad, and it will not make them back down. Tears mean nothing to a narcissist because they only understand their own tears and their own pain. Instead of being frustrated by the apparent lack of human condition, accept the fact that you may as well be speaking another language. Tears are not a language the narcissist understands.
2. Your feelings: A narcissist is incapable of understanding another individual’s emotions. In fact, they have zero desire of understanding another person’s feelings. They want to maneuver a relationship with only their own feelings in mind. Therefore, their partner’s feelings are a nuisance. The common theme of narcissism is that they lack empathy and live in their own world. Why would anyone else’s emotions be worthy of listening to? They are the wrong emotions to the narcissist because the narcissist does not understand them.
3. What others think: A narcissist cares little to nothing of what others think. Therefore, the typical boundaries that exist in other relationships do not exist with a narcissist. An average person may not care if they upset their spouse, but they do care if their in-laws and family members are privy to their behavior and will resolve it so that it does not live outside of the household. The narcissist does not care. They will mistreat their spouse and show up at a family get together as if it is normal behavior and they have done nothing wrong.
4. Normal societal boundaries: A narcissist does not live within normal societal boundaries. They make their own rules. The types of family, societal, legal, ethical boundaries that keep most individuals from bad behavior are non-existent in their world. Or, they exist until the narcissist feels unhappy, angry, etc. and decides their own pain means they no longer have to follow any rules. This makes it even more challenging to deal with a narcissist. It’s difficult to manage a relationship with a person who does not care about anything or anyone except their ends justifying their means.
5. The ones they love: A narcissist only loves a person as much as they are capable of loving anyone. It is not true love nor is it a healthy love. A narcissist may appear to love someone at the start of a relationship. In addition, when a narcissist is happy, they can often fool the person they are with into making it appear to be real love. However, make no mistake about it. Their lack of empathy makes it impossible for a narcissist to form a deep attachment of healthy love. Instead, what appears to be love is simply the narcissist happy with the individuals he or she has collected to make their world work. A narcissist does not need people. A narcissist needs only themselves.